Roses or Wildflowers?

My middle name may be Rose but I feel very much at times like a wildflower. Imperfect, drifting, basking in the sun waiting for the world around me to move; to feel my petals shift in the breeze.

Not so much that I'm waiting on life to lead me in a certain direction, but rather I'm remaining calm while my heart searches for my plan of action, the place in which I will do my best work. The path to travel, the road to take...

Patiently [mostly...other times not so much] I'm waiting for the moment and working to make the best of this one.

In other news, warm fuzzies abound:
1. Pride in my high school, a place to always call home. Despite being glad to never return to high school I will always be glad my parents sent me there.
2. Joy in my extended family, who never ceases to amaze me. They are awesome.
3. Awe in the beauty of the world around me as I see it escape from the cold shell of winter, especially in the early morning fog and sunrise.
4. Love for my nephew, who gave me one of the best compliments a person can receive, whispering "You look very pretty, I like your dress." And further tugged at my heart strings by holding my hand, 'sending me hearts,' and making me promise to sit next to him at dinner. Guys should take note, an innocent compliment without strings attached is by far the best kind.
5. My parents and my brothers are amazing.

Hope everyone had a nice Mother's Day.

I see God and He likes colors

The Mountain from Terje Sorgjerd on Vimeo.

The Aurora from TSO Photography on Vimeo.

The Arctic Light from TSO Photography on Vimeo.

Food for the Soul

The house smells like leeks, butter, and garlic: a truly winning combination. Against my better judgment I agreed to eat potato soup [cream based of course] and lobster ravioli [with a french heavy cream sauce]. If smelling things alone could cause calorie gain [it can't right? ha;)] I would be in trouble. Of course, the atmosphere inside the house pairs well with world outside. It has been raining the majority of April. April showers bring May flowers...This weekend has been no exception. The occasional sound of thunder in the distance plays background music to what will soon be a warm meal in my stomach. It's not yet hot out, although the humidity makes it feel slightly warmer; on days like these soup is still something to be savored under a blanket...in a mug...with a good book.

Finally flowers and green, and life. Being that this is the Easter weekend I am no longer the only child in the house. Michael's come home and it's good to feel like I have siblings; no, the other two are unable to be home but I will never envy or create a one child family if I can help it. Siblings are a wonderful gift.

Last night we went to church to watch a reenactment of the Stations. My favorite thing about the church we attend here in town is the stained glass window above the altar. I find myself staring at it a lot of times; Jesus hanging his head up there on the cross with a handful of people watching, staring in grief and disbelief. 'He is gone' they must think, 'that's it, what are we to do without him?' He has died, but we know that he will rise again....tomorrow. As if it were just a story someone wrote, you assume that's the last chapter, THE END, but you realize there are still more chapters to go, and always will be if we carry our faith on.

Being that it was an evening service the natural light from outside dimmed as the minutes passed and the image of Jesus grew less and less brilliant. Tomorrow that image will simply be a reminder of what we celebrate next year. Last night however the image made me stop and think about something that I had not thought of before: in that brief moment after everything Jesus endured those days leading up to his crucifixion he had nothing left to offer, he had done his job. I could imagine a sense of relief and release in those final moments of his life. It must have felt great to know he had accomplished what he had set out to do, had done all the work of his father. I want that feeling too in my final moments, a sense of calm and peace, not resignation, but relief, maybe even joy.

To all of those celebrating: Have a very Happy Easter with your loved ones!

Vegetarians Eat At Panera

Okay, well maybe they all don't, but it's a great tag line either way.

It is one of those days. The sun is shining, the grass is green. There are buds on trees and flowers beginning to bloom. It is one of those days. And it's warm, it's finally warm. Where I want to be outside and play in the backyard on the swing set I don't have. One. Of. Those. Days.

Sophie's been scanning for squirrels a better portion of the day. Yesterday was a doozy so she was in and out of her kennel most of the day. But that's what happens when you work a weekend. I'm pretty sure she still loves me, she's laying at my side as I type, that's a good sign right?

Yes, yesterday was crazy, nonstop, and not my idea of a relaxing Saturday but sometimes there are just those days. Like I said before, today is better though, it is one of those days. It's a good feeling sort of day.

But I'm not on here to talk about the dog or the day. I'm here to talk about food. Yeah, what's new, right?

Friday night, being that it is Lent and I was 'fending for myself' I went to Panera for dinner. There is a sandwich there that I'm pretty sure could turn me on to the idea of being vegetarian. Of course, I could never actually turn vegetarian, I enjoy animal protein far too much. What I am saying is that I'm STILL thinking about this sandwich and I had it two days ago, and most times when I'm craving vegetables [yeah, I do that when I've been eating less than stellar] I think about this sandwich. And even when I'm eating really well I still think about this sandwich. It's my happy excuse to go to Panera on a Friday during Lent.

If you've never had the Mediterranean Veggie Sandwich, especially with a side of soup, you're missing out. It's this crazy good combination of peppers, feta cheese, cucumbers, lettuce, tomatoes, onions and cilantro jalapeño hummus on a chewy tomato basil bread [and yeah, I basically copied and pasted that from their website]. Okay, but seriously, you don't even miss the meat. It's so good without it. The tomatoes drip, and the bread has this incredible chew, and the hummus has this quality that manages to help keep the feta in place....or maybe it's all the stuff they manage to cram into the sandwich in general.

Anyway, I think I'm trying to make the point that if that sandwich was the only thing on the menu that I liked, I would still frequent the restaurant more often than not. Truth be told though, there isn't much on that menu that I don't salivate over. And these are a dietitian's words you're reading.

And since we're on the topic of food I should also mention for breakfast, no my mid-morning snack, I ate an entire pint of strawberries. And for my mid-afternoon snack I ate a Pay Day [which, may I begin by saying should never have been in the house] and then a bowl of roasted peppers. I'm going to say I'm having some strange cravings lately.

Hmmm....I am quirky, but at least I've sort of turned this passion into my day job.

Go. Far. Far Away.

Something about this video is romantic and adventurous. And it has nothing to do with Ford and everything to do with living life for the little things, for the open road.

Maps and Guideposts

Much news to tell:

Having been officially offered a position for a Clinical Dietitian here in town I find that I won't be moving on just yet. Another step in some unknown direction, but moving and with my career in place.

Unfortunately, it seems that my email address is a bit too difficult to read and therefore my RD number and requested payment fee never were sent to me correctly and therefore without that number and payment made I cannot be licensed in the state. Not being licensed means I'm not legally allowed to work in the state. Registration is national, licenses are state wide.

I don't know quite where I'm going with things but working in a clinical setting is an excellent place to gain a proper foundation for whatever it is I decide I'd like to do - an open Health and Wellness coach RD job sounds right up my alley...you know, except for the fact that it's in Chicago and I could hardly even afford to live in Oklahoma [baby steps shall be employed to wherever I'll eventually be. That and living in Chicago seems a teeny bit daunting...okay, more than a teeny bit].

I have my sights set on culinary school or exercise credentials. I'm leaning toward the latter of the two... eventually [again, baby steps]. Eventually I'd like to be writing for magazines and helping people see the benefit of being healthy and how that sets other things in motion. Think about this: consuming less meat [no, I'm not asking people to turn vegetarian] means less grain or grass [which is better for them anyway] is fed to the animals = more grain for other uses. Eating non-processed foods means reducing waste created from packaging. Supporting farmers markets means helping your community and reducing travel time for food from coast to coast [those silly high gas prices and it just tastes so fresh]. Less bills to the hospital if you're visiting less - prevention is key. More exercise means happier and more sound minds. Annnd I'm done going off on my tangent. Back to the topic on hand.

Sometimes, it seems, we are walking this journey alone. Sure we have our loved ones encouraging us along the way and sure God lives in them to inspire and keep our hope but...Even with all their support we ultimately make our own decisions, the best we can do with every opportunity we can. As these opportunities build into changes and develop into what your life has become you learn that each step along the way impacts us. Like the weak people that we can sometimes be we find that being alone and making these decisions has no direction. But when we pray for and muster up the faith to trust in the plan set before us we know better.

God gave us the ability to choose. Free will gives us power over our lives and responsibility. I'm not really a want-to-have-control type so this free will can be a bit upsetting with big decisions. If we were just given a life outline, a map, an expert, to show us the next step this would be SO much easier. But life doesn't work that way, now does it?

And of course, hindsight shows us there were guidelines all along. Because I didn't get an internship right off the bat I ended up getting my masters in Oklahoma [something I never anticipated doing, a plan I'm sure is still in motion]. Guideposts placed for our benefit that help keep us on the path as long as we are open to the plan that God wants.

But again, these are guideposts, not signs. Too often we ask God for signs as to what our next decision should be. He does give them, I do not doubt it, but He also knows that no matter the sign, if we choose to see it, will be interpreted in our own way to make our own decisions. Maybe that's why I like to ask for really obvious signs when I'm feeling at my weakest. If you just give me a sign that this is right for me I promise I'll... Oh the bargaining, I remember doing that when I was younger. Many times these were silly prayers that if answered would have been leaving me in charge, not trusting that God had the right plan. And I must say praying for toys or a dog is quite self serving no matter the 'logic' I liked to send up. Unanswered prayers should really be another topic however.

When we look back we see guideposts as markers that our path is going in the right direction or that we've gotten back on track if we were not. I'm just trying to do the best I can and lead the life that He wants me to lead with every decision I make. I've got a long way to go. But then again, this is a journey and our vocations are evolving parts that lead us to our final hopeful destination. It's the people that assist us and that we assist on the way that matter. That's probably another post too though.

In other news [cough, always] we returned from Florida and had a lovely time. Ahh, the perks of being unemployed [well, I was at the time at least] with parents that love me enough to tote me along: sun, sand, shells, seafood, sleep. It was awesome. We'll be feeling Spring coming soon. I just know it. And the awakening of the world is another gift from God that all things work as a cycle - Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return. Just throwing in that Lenten business for good measure.

sylyb.

In Memory

It's been 4 years now. Four years and what seems like ages ago and yet I can still remember the details of the day like it was yesterday.

We were woken up by the phone ringing in the dorm room. It was nearly spring break and I remember being frustrated that someone would call so early to wake us up. Looking back now I wish I hadn't been. "Why would someone call this early, they should know we're still in bed."

We groggily turned on the TV in disbelief. It didn't matter which channel you turned to, it was all about the accident. Of course, our immediate thoughts went to the members of the team. Who was hurt? Was anyone seriously injured; heaven forbid someone had been killed? We strained to watch the same reports over and over again, searching for faces we recognized and wondering how badly they had been injured.

Of course, my memory is not dissimilar from most everyone else, and I know it was hard for those closest to the seven individuals that passed away; not right, not fair. At least we can be thankful that the majority of the individuals on the bus are able to say they survived, however scarred their bodies or memories be.

Having just gone through Atlanta I watched as the HOV lanes break off and other lanes are the left side off ramps. You can't help but think about the Why's and What if's.

What made the whole thing more surreal at the time was the coverage about this little school. Everyone knew about Bluffton. Of course, time heals the wounds and people forget or they've never heard of it at all. And being that this is the fourth anniversary this is the first group of students that were not present to relate best to the accident. To them, perhaps, the memorial are just a grouping of hand prints in concrete. For those of us that witnessed it to the greatest extent, those hands represent much more, they are the living reminders of life and the value of living. Those hands represent lessons we learn and the impact one event can have on our lives in different ways.

And so as the years roll by I'll continue to keep my box of trinkets, newspaper and magazine clippings with me about the accident, about the players, about Bluffton, so as not to forget that life is so very precious and Bluffton University [especially those in the accident] learned it a very profound way.

My prayers and thoughts rest especially with you today boys.

Thawing Out

I knew this warm spell was just a taste of the coming Spring season, but of course, a taste is just a tease. And for that short period of time the sun was out, the sky was blue, and birds were actually chirping. But of course, again, that thawing out process will not come fully for a little longer. I know this because there is currently a layer of ice on the drive way and it has been freezing rain the majority of the day.

Now, to be sure, I admitted in my last post that I do, in fact, love the snow. I am not retracting that statement. It's just so unfortunate that the pretty white snow doesn't stay as long as the gray winter season, and in my honest opinion the winter drags on a bit too long, especially near the end. Let's face it, January is a long month...loooooong month. And now, because I got the glimpse of something warm and gloves/scarf/coat free I'm ready to welcome it in for some time.

It's as if the world comes out of a complete hibernation. The sun melts the snow, squirrels [much to Sophie's chagrin] begin moving about, the smell of damp timber being heated by the sun is a tell tale sign for me that changes are approaching. The winter overall is a sluggish period, the nighttime is very quiet - no wind to grab noises and shift trees about, not very often at least.

Anyway, romanticizing about the spring...off on a banter. And so, in other news [as there always is] my Study-Lock-Down has been completed. I took and passed my boards exam. I am official people. Now if I could just find a job I like. But that's the kicker isn't it?

So in the spirit of adding a few more initials after my name I plan on making my favorite cake. It's something like the winter thawing out into the spring. Buttermilk cake, it's dense and yet fresh and tastes light. The hint of lemon and orange in it make the entire cake wake your mouth up, much like coming in after a stroll outside in the cold - stripping off layers upon layers. It's the sunshine melting the icicles and showing the green grass below that's been waiting to return in all it's glory. And that will just lead to more smells - fresh cut grass, water fresh from the sprinklers, moist dirt ready for planting. But I suppose that post will just have to wait.

I'll post pictures as soon as the cake is made, of course the pictures can't do justice to the taste.

sylyb

This Post Has No Point Really

Oh life, it is what it is. Please insert any other standard sayings you hear at this moment in time; they're probably all fitting.

So I'm freezing, yes, it's anticipated to be the chilliest night on record here this winter and although I still love waking up to new snow fall [as I did this morning -- anything is better than gray skies and brown earth with nothing to enhance the mood -- cue mood music please] but I'd really prefer a late spring day right about now.

Winter time is so great for bundling up and not caring about the clothes you wear, or the state of your hair for that matter; sloshy boots and gobs of layers, over-sized sweatshirts you acquired from your brother [hey, he said it was too small for him anyway]...the list goes on. It's all about the hot tea and warm soup [please click ME for a great recipe we tried recently]. Look at me, getting started on food...what's new?

Anyway, snow fall really does make me feel like a kid, although it'd be better if Michael were home to play with me, but alas even little brothers go to college too. I digress. I was the type that played in the back yard because I liked to keep the front yard pristine so it would look pretty, putting as few footprints in it as possible, even backtracking to minimize my impact [sounds like my idea on recycling and being green now that I think about it]. But I was also the kid that spent a little too much time outside coming in covered in snow with burnt red skin under the layers of winter gear Mom could shove over my arms. Thank goodness hot cocoa fixes all numbing winter ailments.

Yes, I love the snow. I really really do. But my closet is full of clothes that haven't been worn since it was warm enough for my kneecaps to show and NOT shiver. Tank tops, dresses, shorts, they're all itching to get out. Well, I devised a plan, which I'm going to talk with the Big Guy about tonight [mostly in jest of course, but maybe with a hint of sad puppy eyes for good measure]...
Okay, so the plan -- we have twelve months, we have four seasons, and if I did my math correctly that's three months per season. I'm going to assume that winter should last strictly from December through the end of February. I'll use the ole 'In like a Lion' bit if necessary. But that also means it should still be slightly warm until December 1st, I like mild falls, what can I say? It's the transition period that kills me.

And so, in closing...wow was I lengthy...this post has no point really. I'm just happy I'm doing something besides studying or thinking about studying or agonizing over it. I think I'm doing it now.

sylyb

P.S. I have a interview for a job tomorrow, please say some prayers!

Love Story

The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.

Mevlana Jelaluddin Rumi

Thanks to Dani and Hannah for sending me this, a romantic at heart, I took to it!

Studying, WAIT no, NOT studying

I sat down this fine evening after a quick snack to catch up on my [very] behind studies for my exam. I put off studying long enough last week that eventually, although still not 100% finished yet, my room was organized. After having finished my last day teaching nutrition today to the freshmen health class I find that there is no longer a single excuse for me not to study. And so...

I began to study, cuddled up in a comfortable spot, notebook in hand, pen and flashcards at my side. I began to study and my eyelids began to get heavy. I began to doze off. And that brings us to this moment where instead of studying more I decided to treat my heavy eyelids with more snacks to munch on. I must tell you I have devised a sort of "RD approved detox*." It is rather unfortunate that I must even put myself on one of these. But I have to give at least one good excuse for why it is necessary. Okay, here goes. It's winter: there's a blanket of snow on the ground and the temperature has not gone above 30 degrees [besides that 32 degree heat wave last week] in quite some time.

Okay, so what does one do then when it's winter, snowy, and cold? Well, obviously you find a beach to relax on. Oh wait, I don't have money and am still searching for work. Scratch that idea.....EAT! Eat donuts, cookies, ice cream, fudge bars, concoctions of whipped cream and bananas with chocolate sauce. And you can't blame PMS for the entire winter as to why you eat every sweet in sight.

But wait, that's not all. If sweets weren't enough of the problem you have to factor in all those salty savory foods - sourdough pretzels and midnight popcorn creations.

Now, I could be exaggerating on about this, I do mean to say that I think about the food that goes in my system for the most part. You can blame that on my vast nutrition knowledge and anticipated letters behind my name...but still. The truth of the matter is the more we eat it the more we crave it and so I've determined that I will get the cravings out of my system and hopefully acquire some motivational energy in the process.

Until then, as it is the first full finished day of the process I have curbed my cravings with Triscuits, oranges, and nearly half a bag of grapes. Oh me, this too shall pass.

And in the meantime, would you all send up some prayers that my motivation to study and the information I'm looking over sticks in my brain. I need all the prayers I can get.

sylyb

*FYI, my 'detox' includes cutting the sweets, decreasing the sodium, and increasing the water. And as any nutritionally aware individual knows keeping the above 'detox' in line with whole grain, fruits & vegetables, lean protein, and low fat dairy creates a pretty perfect diet.

A Near Snap

Oh no! It's starting to wear on me, the unemployed graduate. I've had the fortune of not requiring to search for a job in these times of high unemployment rates. I was able to put it off just long enough. But no more.

Jobs have been relatively easy for me to come by. When you know a guy [or rather, are good friends with the owner's daughter] it's easy to get a job at Dairy Queen. When you don't play a sport every season they like hiring you on at the dry-cleaner's where they know you'll be able to work most afternoons and Saturdays. And then there's the job they created for me because I knew someone who worked there. Eventually though, this 'luck' too, must pass.

And so, as the studying continues and the days roll by without any job prospects [or at least ones that have a returned interest] I get a little more worried about my future at hand. Where am I being called to work? I need a job [any job] to start making loan payments, but are these jobs going to lead me to my intended location? Patience, Self, you'll get there. Just do the best you can as the days come. I wish this positive self talk was that easy.

Until then I just have to breathe, breathe, breathe. But despite this the stress still continues to build and the anxiety increases. I blame it on my impending BIGGEST-EXAM-EVER, messy room, murky future [where will I be in a few month's time?], you know life altering things. And as Mom quickly noticed exercise is essential to my sanity and without a wellness center to visit the treadmill is my only safe haven [what with the rain and snow outside]. And so, in the accompaniment of my trusty side kick [Sophie] off I walked with my study material in hand and my tennis shoes on.

Getting One's Act Together

I am notorious for being, well, slow. I will be the first to admit to...anyone really that I have one speed - my own. I am not a punctual individual [although I wish I could say that I was getting better].

So, being that I am now a well educated but poor and unemployed person I am happily sleeping in most mornings. What with the weather being a beautiful winter wonderland and a snow day keeping me from teaching nutrition to my ever enthusiastic [cough* not] freshmen class I am sitting at home thinking about my numerous accomplishments yesterday.

I mean that quite honestly. I have been avoiding doing anything [as I often times do] to further my step into the real world. You mean, if I apply for jobs I actually have to get one? You mean, if I register for the exam I have to eventually take it? Yes, yes. I am working on entering the work force. Being young is just so much easier.

So yesterday I adjusted my resume. Ahh yes, the resume of young graduate. A resume that contains all the workings of a student just trying to make enough money to get by - caterer, grill cook, dish room staff, custodian, RD assistant, free labor - oh wait, I'm sorry - intern, etc etc

From the resume adjustment to the frustration of applying for a job [although I can't complain too much, online applications are MUCH easier than the archaic paper versions]. And finally, the mother of all tasks, organizing how I'll be studying for the biggest test in the entirety of my existence.

And still - my room, being the disaster area that it is still requires some...okay, A LOT, of finessing to reach optimal organization. If I didn't master the art of packratism [that's a word, right?] it wouldn't take me near as long. I know how to put mementos inside of tins inside of boxes within compartments. No wonder I want to procrastinate on finishing it and no wonder it has taken several man hours to get to the state of disarray it is in right now. No matter, I've got NOTHING but time...well until the government decides they really do want that loan money back that they lent me.

New Snowfall

It's been awhile since I've posted on here but with the holiday season here and now gone, visitors no longer staying over, and Michael back at school I really have no excuse. So for the first time....ever! I am an only child. The house is quiet and meal times are far less boisterous.

I love the sound of snow crunching together under my feet. Most times I like to take a path when I walk through it and then retrace my steps so as not to ruin the perfect blanket that is laid down. Having an indecisive dog that doesn't know where she wants to 'go' kind of ruins that but on this peaceful evening I am grateful. I am grateful for all the wonderful little things that we so often overlook.

The winter time, after the holiday season is over, makes me feel like hunkering down. What with the blanket of snow laying on the ground and the sun sinking well before 6 pm the quiet starts very early. Something about the heavy hanging clouds and the snow makes everything seem still and serene. The tree branches hang low, heavy with the the weight of freshly fallen snow. Beautiful. Peaceful. Full of wonder.

I'm not close to getting a job, in fact instead I'm teaching freshmen about nutrition, most of which don't salivate over nutrigenomics or locally grown organics [nothing like myself or my fellow nutrition nerds normally would]. I am however preparing myself for the big boards exam and searching for employment at a location that both seems fitting and desiring of my [cough] lack of experience.

And yet I am happy. I am content. I am here and I am trusting in the plan that will unfold as soon as I get my room cleaned up...which is very, very unorganized [but it will be immaculate very soon. My fascination with apartmenttherapy.com ever increasing].

sylyb.

Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Chapters

The end of a chapter and the beginning of another...

And so I was hooded, I graduated with honors [which is a funny story actually] and I received my diploma. It doesn't get much more official than that. I did it. I finished. That's that. And now it is over, the year is winding down and as I happily said goodbye to 2009 [good riddance] I will send off 2010 with blown kisses of gratitude and admiration. But I'm getting ahead of myself, I'm not talking about the year of 2010, I am talking about the 'tornado-of-a-master-student/intern's-school-year.' It blew in and left pieces scattered: things I've learned in class, things I've learned in my practicum, things I've learned from life experiences and friends...what a year. Yes, what a year, what a stupendous fantastic year. It went by so quickly and it feels as if I only just moved down there. Crazy how fast a year can fly. There really is no wonder how Christmas is already here again and I'm preparing to begin yet another chapter in this life of mine.

There is a certain sense of calm that washed over me a few days after I lost control of my tear ducts and had a melt down. It was a delay from my prayers to heaven, or maybe I just needed a few days to digest everything that was changing.

And so, although I don't feel all that well prepared to set foot in the real world I know that I have the tools to get me there and people that I love backing me up...just as I did upon my move to Oklahoma, just as I always have.

My cup overflow with the gifts I have been given, they just wait to displayed.

I came home a different person than the one that left to move down there. Subtle, but nonetheless changed. And I put part of it to the growing, learning, and developing I did both within and outside of the internship experience. When I look back at the year I see how each day I was there was living. That was life and living it to all the potential it was capable of being. It was the lazy days by the pool basking in the sunlight and absorbing the simplest of pleasures. It was the stops for frozen yogurt or ice cream with the breeze through my hair. It was the time spent with friends doing nothing, doing everything but most importantly doing whatever it was together. It was in the friendships I formed, we met as strangers in January and managed to end up as a tight group of young women ready to conquer the world...or at least play boardgames and dance our troubles away.

Thank you to my fellow interns, for being the wonderful people you are that helped enhance the experience and the memories that I will associate with Oklahoma.

Home

I must admit to you on this cold afternoon in my cold apartment [yes, I still haven't turned on my heat] that I am unsure about how I feel with the impending changes.

I guess I have avoided thinking about it, in fact, I've put thinking about the actuality of it at the very back of my mind. I'm not counting down the days and yet they seem to get closer and closer and closer. It makes me feel good to know people are excited for my return home...Home, what an interesting word. Isn't the apartment I'm sitting in home? Wasn't my dorm room at school home? My childhood houses too, the ones that have since been filled by other families too...they're all home. I suppose wherever Mom and Dad are is home, they are home to me because I am always their child. I am still that girl sitting staring out the window as the rain pours down through the trees in the backyard wondering where my life will take me.

So being that things are soon going to change, boxes will be filled and we'll have another long drive, possibly through another snow storm. A year in Oklahoma, it flew so fast. And I sit here without a doubt in my mind that I will return and see it just as it was, home. Home for a girl who learned she had to be a pseudo adult at some point in time.

This week was a roller coast of emotions. I've gone from being studious to panic stricken to relieved and finally calm. I swear there's a sort of aftershock where things take time to settle out, where my prayers for some sense of clarity and peace make their way from the heavens. And it's at that point I send up a prayer in thanks for sending down the calm I've been aching for.

And so, in my remaining weeks here I've been making Christmas cookies [in hopes of getting rid of food Mom doesn't want me to bring back], staring wide eyed at all the lights, enjoying the weather, enjoying my friends, and finishing up the tasks of being a grad student and intern. I've come to terms with the fact that I also must apply for jobs, yes, I applied for two so far. Still more searching to do to decide where in this fine country I'll be for the next few years.

See you. Love you. Bye

This Is Not Rhetorical

What would happen if I stayed in Oklahoma? If I got a job and got experience?

There is nothing permanent in life, there is nothing set in stone. I can stay for a little while, if I don't like it I can leave. I can move home and leave home. I can move to any state in the country. It's not like I'm held down by anything.

I just have no clue what to do with my life at this very moment.

What would you do?

Gettin' Western In Here

Giving Thanks

Well, Thanksgiving is over. The day is finished and the food has been stuffed into my stomach as far as it would stretch. Successfully, and without complication, the turkey turned out perfectly, no one got hurt [save a slightly burnt pinkie finger from testing the gravy which we made do with pulverized oats, slightly lumpy but not tasting off from what it was intended to be].

This was the first Thanksgiving I'd been away from home and what made it somewhat difficult was knowing my brothers and parents were all together enjoying Mom's staple Thanksgiving items without me. I am sad to say I missed them all and Mom's fruit salad concoction and crust [although, I did make the pie filling well enough]. I'll work on that 'wife/mom' skill at a later date.

That being said, as my two companions and I said what we were thankful for I knew immediately what I wanted to thank God for giving me...or rather what he didn't give; I was thankful for not getting an internship immediately. Without that failure, I'd never have moved to Oklahoma. Then again, if you asked me in December of 2008 what my life would have been like I would have pictured a very different scene. It is safe to say, I am happy with how it is now, and not what I pictured.

In other news [par for the course if you actually read my blabber, there's always other news] I felt compelled to make my way to church today. Yes, I realize it is neither Saturday or Sunday.

There is something so magical about sitting in that big empty church and knowing nothing is going to interfere with my prayers, except for the setting sun streaming through stain glass windows. And oh, how I will miss the architecture of that church dearly.

So here's how all that went down today -

I got ready [which means I showered] to head to church with the intent of getting there with a half hour before the communion service at 5:30. I managed to stumble upon that during my time here in Oklahoma a little while back [that was another time that I just wanted to be alone with God when I found myself in a side chapel full of people waiting for the priest to arrive, but I digress]. I had grabbed my rosary and this day's mysteries to reflect upon the life of Jesus and headed out the door.

I made my way in the silent church. I stopped to light a candle for my future husband and say a quick prayers for my brothers and I often find myself doing and walked to the chapel where others were adoring Christ in his Eucharistic form. Now, I cannot say I fully and completely understand all the things that make the Catholic Church so...Catholic; even after attending parochial schools all my life I find that the Church is full of things I will not completely 'get' [e.g God is one in three persons: I don't quite grasp it...but I still believe]. Being that it is the oldest Christian denomination it has had a lot of time to become saturated with tradition. Now, I'm not here to argue on becoming a Catholic or living like a good Christian. I am neither perfect nor the appropriate person to persuade anyone on the matter. I am simply telling you that there is something comforting about knowing that people, old and young alike, can come together to sit and marvel at how awesome God is. And so, again, I digress.

Like with other times I've attempted to sit in silence with God I found myself sitting with a dozen other people who appeared to be waiting for something to start. Oh, there's an Adoration Shin-dig about to begin and I just happened to get here with the perfect amount of time!?! So much for that rosary just yet.

The priest entered and began. There managed to be an extra sheet of paper to follow along with and I found it to be idiot proof; everything was written out, as if God knew I was going to be a little lost when I sat down.

And can I just make an observation here? There's one thing I don't do well with when it comes to church stuff. Incense can really choke when you're trying to breathe in and sing out. Thankfully I had food in my stomach, otherwise I would have been nauseous. The trials and tribulations of a finicky stomach. Since my hair was still damp the smell of incense has lingered with the smell of grapefruit shampoo even to this time of the night. Oh well, it could smell like far worse things.

So, back to the story. Instead of sitting in silence after the Adoration ended I found myself moving to the other side chapel as the communion service began [thankfully, I knew how all this went down as I'd attended before]. So instead of saying my rosary and reflecting on the Sorrowful Mysteries of Jesus I ended up adoring and consuming him instead. In short, God is in me and I am His vessel: I am the work of His hands and my actions speak [in adoration] for the glory of His name.

Signs

I'm graduating in less than a month, I'll be home in a month. It's a lot of changes all at once. Can we just freeze all this for a little while so I can breathe?

In truth, I'm like so many other people out there. I'm asking God for signs. Not proof of His existence but rather a hint or clue to my next step on this path, this chapter in my life; a sign I'm heading in the right direction before I take the step [or more specifically, before a wrong turn].

Until then...Miss you.Love you.Bye.

Showers vs Tubs

I am a shower person. I have been for as long as I can remember. There is something about the way the water beats against the top of my back and shoulders that feels like a million massages. The hot water gently rolls down my shoulder and off the leg. It clears the mind, cleans the hair, and fills my lungs with the humidity they crave. Showers are wonderful.

I had never cared for baths....until I moved to Oklahoma and I realized baths=childhood.

I have my own bathroom here, no need to share. I'll stopper up the tub and let the shower fall down around me. I can watch the water pool in my stomach and drain as I breathe in and out. I can think and lay silently. I can just be, no time-lines, no deadlines, just me.

I can turn off all the lights and just lay in the hot water in darkness and lose all my sense and focus on what is going through my head, or focus on absolutely nothing. It is peaceful, and it reminds me of The Little Mermaid.

Strange analogy, I realize, but hear me out!

When Ariel first entered my life I was aware of two very distinct things.
1. She had the life and she was ruining it, no matter how cute Prince Eric is, she had it made

-which leads me to point two-

2. She was leaving her dad behind and she was only 16 and married, so not cool. Eric should have just become a merman and Ariel would have had the best life ever...except for the whole legs thing, but if she had a magical father, shouldn't she get legs or fins any time she liked...I mean honestly.

I digress. When I was young and full of wonder at the colors and music I would pretend I was a mermaid. I would put my legs through our diving rings during the summers at the pool and swim around as best I could under the water. I could feel the motion of the water rushing around me in a slow motion sort of sense, everything about it felt calm, relaxing. I could splash around as much as I wanted, drag bubbles down beneath the surface with me and feel as they worked their way from behind my back and gently float upward to the surface. I wanted to badly to be able to hold my breath so I could stay down longer: there was no noise, things were simple and blue, and I was gently rocked back and forth as people swam passed. This was magical, and my love affair with water has not ceased.

So there I am in the tub, the heat is surrounding me and I have the distinct pleasure of plunging my head under the water, feeling my hair gently wrap around me [and it always looks good wet, NEVER a bad hair day under water ;)] and listen to nothing, possibly the muddled sounds of water dripping or my arms swaying on occasion.

Let me break it down for you in the simplest possible way - bath time is like swimming as a child without a care. It is a pleasure and a stress reliever and it is severely under-appreciated by the general population. Since when was being clean just a necessity, savoring it is so much more rewarding...

In other news, did I mention I went to Boston? Oh, yeah, I went to Boston and it was great, an adult extended field trip. You learn some things, you eat some food, you learn some things, you see the sights...mostly you eat the food. And if you're like me you learn about food, you eat food, you plan places where good food is, and then you think about food some more...it was all about the food.

Roots and Wings

It's been awhile...but it's all winding down. That seems a little crazy to me, didn't I just start? Wasn't I just crying in the parking lot at the hospital because I couldn't find my car on the first day [and of course assumed someone hot-wired it to sell it for parts on the black market]? No, apparently I survived mostly unscathed through this year.

It's less than a month now and I'm wondering how a person in my situation should feel. A sort of limbo land has appeared. It was so nice living in the bubble world that I lived in, I wasn't a real adult with a real job, I lived in a safe community, and sustained myself off of fake money that will at some point in the future be paid back. I spent all those years at home making roots and then learned of the benefit of flying - wings to take me on a journey, an adventure. I suppose I'm not quite satiated yet. Isn't there more to do and see here? I know there's more people to become friends with but the days keep slipping past.

Once the bubble is burst I'm not sure where I'll stand. I can't go home and act like my life hasn't drastically changed. It has! I have! But can I stay here and still be satisfied after all the fellow bubble dwellers head on their separate ways as well? I'm not allowing myself the chance and I don't know that it is feasible anyway. Jobs are not as easy to come by here and I have not had time to network my way around. Suddenly, a year master program seems like a very short thing. I guess the only thing to do in this situation is to pray and to pray swiftly.

In other news [as there always is] I was able to see Harry Potter today and it was awesome, just as I was hoping it would be. Also, I attended Club Rodeo. It's a club. It's a rodeo. I have never had dirt flung at me before someone asked me to dance. It is literal and it was fun [except for the smoke....as usual].

Until you read again...sylyb

The End of a Chapter

I have been rather mopey lately.

There is not definitive reason for me to get up. I've put flannel sheets on my bed but still there is a tinge of chill in the apartment; the last thing I want to do is get out of the warm sheets and be productive [that, and I want to see how long it takes before I really need to turn on the heat].

The clocks will fall back next week and then I'll be that much more apt to stay in bed just a little bit longer. Of course, what with the late mornings and evenings turning dark the days are flying by. Truth be told, I don't really know how I feel about it all. I'll be sad to leave but I don't really want to stay after a good portion of my friends move back to their prospective states.

My life has revolved around going to school to make something of myself since I was five. No, I did not have the same drive or purpose that I do now, but I always worked hard on my studies to get good grades, even if that meant procrastinating until Mom told me I could not leave the kitchen table until my math homework was finished [unfortunately, I have always been a bit of a procrastinator].

After graduating with my degree in undergrad the purpose of my life was still to finish up with schooling: to get the internship, to prove myself among other individuals, to do well. That time is nearly coming to an end. I have to finish up my classes and get hooded and I'll be done. Finished. Complete.

I don't feel ready for the real world though. I'm not old enough to have a job, not a real one. The only reason I managed through the jobs I've had since I turned 16 was to survive working them through the summer. I always had a light at the end of the tunnel, an ending, a break from paychecks and taxes. They were simple jobs and I was given just enough responsibility to earn the money I made [no matter how little that was].

In these times of a go-go-go world we work more to spend more, to make money so we can pay back the government for loans we took out, purchases we cannot afford, and things that don't actually make us happy; I sometimes wonder what it would all be like if we stopped chasing the dream of consumerism and started living as simplistically as possible. [Example: If we all just ate healthier and kept our weight within a healthy range there wouldn't be as many issues with heart failure. If we prevented these things from happening we'd be less likely to need solutions.] If we got out and did things with our hands we wouldn't need to pay people to do the work for us. We'd have more time if we realized that work is a means to sustain ourselves, not to get lost and keep away from family.

Just another excuse we put on ourselves to think we'll be happy.

Maybe this is me freaking out, maybe this is just a way for me to put all of my angst on the slippery slope we as Americans are taking with our need for things [that is just another reason I'm excited to do some deep cleaning/purging of 'stuff' when I get back home]. Or maybe, this is a wake up call for me to set my priorities straight before I put down roots [I'm still trying out my wings].

I'm not an adult yet, I've still got places to travel to, experiences to take part in, things to discover. I have plans to follow through with [plans I've yet to dream up] and there's no better time to do it than while I'm still young and mostly worry free. Now, if only I had the money to afford these excursions....You see, I just brought myself full circle on this one. I need a job to do things before I get a job that I want to stick with and put down roots and, well you get the idea.

Here, There, Everywhere

The topics of this post are far from cohesive. In fact, I'll likely fill you in on everything that I've been too busy to fill you in on before.

Let's begin with the most exciting of all news I have to share with you.

I had a few stressful weeks near the end of my clinical rotations. I stayed up late and finished my reports the weekend before the case study presentation was scheduled to be presented. Saturday night [err, Sunday morning] I was up until 5 am getting work done. Sunday night [and again I say, err, Monday morning] I was up until 2 am. Yes, I procrastinate but the second night I vowed to make Mom's almond coffee cake for the dietitians in accompaniment of them sitting through a likely boring thirty minute case study presentation. My point being - I finished the presentation at 11 and THEN made the cake and showered. I didn't entirely procrastinate.

I have come to find that the library is my biggest ally in getting things done. I lived there last weekend in preparation for the presentation and report and I can happily go back later when I know I want to get down to business. I also just thoroughly enjoy getting lost in the library and finding nooks and crannies where I can sit alone and study or nap or just escape.

My paper, when complete, was 50 pages long not including the research articles I had to add as well and any documentation of my work at the hospital. A full half inch binder [or is it a full inch, I don't really remember] was full to the brim.

I unfortunately did not take a picture of the coffee cake, I was in a hurry to get out the door and had enough struggling to get the cake to carefully fall out of the bundt pan and keep some semblance of presentation alive, as long as I didn't drop the cake from the parking lot the block over from the hospital [which, since I know you were worried for me, I did not do, success!].

The presentation went well for the most part and I was happy to be done with that day. The work was over and I could just enjoy my last week there where needed - which happened to be every floor and unit in the hospital including home visits to certain patients. You want to talk about interesting, eh? Home visits can range from disgusting to enlightening and enjoyable. We'll just leave it at that, how about?

And now to semi-change the subject:
My last day at the hospital I was waiting at a a light I frequently wait at a few minutes from where I park. Normally I am in a hurry to get there with enough time to run the distance from car to office door, but today I was far less stressed. I was nearly free of the morning alarms and free labor I was providing. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed my time at the hospital, especially with the people I became well acquainted with, but I was relieved that this was it. So, I digress.

As I was waiting at the always-long light I stared at the birds that congregated in the thousands on the telephone wires that hung above my head. Had it not been light out I would have expected them to look like bats circling around in the sky. But alas, they're just birds.

If you've ever seen the Pixar short "For the Birds" you might be aware of what I'm getting at here - they circle around overhead, land on the wire ever so precisely, and force the others around them to shimmy down the wire. Sometimes they aren't let in and once again circle overhead before landing in a less crowded spot or the edge of the group. They almost look like a big group of women, huddling close to share gossip, when in actuality there is nothing really to gossip about, just noise to be heard. No wonder men find women confusing.

Now, it's just a downward slope to graduation and off to the real world I suppose, whatever that may be, whenever that may happen.

Topic 3:
What with the almond cake presentation and the last day thank you cookies I have come to terms with the fact that when feeding myself I generally go for convenience and when cooking for others my self restraint and joy in preparing increases tenfold. Food really is an expression of love to others, "I took the time [a hot commodity] to make you this so that even for a brief moment the process of eating this makes your senses go on a cruise and the corners of your lips turn up." Really, any excuse for baking is good enough for me. This seems a bit off considering I'm studying to tell people not to eat too many decadent foods, but sometimes you just want something rich.

Cooking is both an art and a science. The art is all in the creativity. Making simple ingredients into masterpieces. And there's the science, why does salting vegetables make them "sweat? [think osmosis]" Why does garlic chopped smaller have a more potent garlic flavor than a whole clove [greater surface area]? Food science and culinary concoctions really must go hand in hand, whether you think it through that way or not. Those questions can all be answered in the same way that certain methods of cooking just makes things taste better - hand-in-hand I tell you.

Unfortunately, I'm not one for presentation. As long as it tastes good I don't much care how it looks. That's for detail oriented people...and I'm not one of them.Baked salmon with roasted peppers, onions, green beans and salad served over 7 grain pilafCheesy scrambled eggs with sauteed onions and peppers

Don't forget your appetite for life! sylyb.

2 Weeks...But Who's Counting?

So close...and yet so much to do until rotations are over!

sylyb

Procrastination is the Thief of Time

If you can make it through the video you deserve a round of applause. If you're looking for the funniest part it's probably somewhere between 5:17 and 6:05...just sayin'

Who can understand what she's saying in the majority of that song anyway? :)

Moments

Sometimes we take for granted how precious life really is, how everything can hang in such a delicate balance and the plan we have set out for us is constantly being shifted based on the changes we make, the choices we choose. But more than that, I'm thinking about capturing and holding on to the moments we don't mind to just let slip by.

Every time I hear "Jack and Diane" I think about the line where he says

Hold onto sixteen as long as you can,
Changes come around real soon,
Make us women and men

Oh yeah life goes on,
long after the thrill of livin' is gone
Oh yeah they say life goes on,
long after the thrill of livin' is gone

And that leads me to some questions in my life -

When does the joy of living go away, when you get a real person job or have sixteen year old children of your own? Does the thrill of living have to go away? When is the moment when life becomes passe?

If that is the case I suppose I'd rather get every opportunity to living in as long as I can. I don't want to settle with life and realize that the joy I have for it is gone because it IS a gift that is so precious. Despite the mundane things in life we all must learn to live with, I have no intention of losing my appetite for living --- ever. Cynics and pessimists be damned.

Life is about the people that you form relationships with, the encounters you make, the difference you evoke on the world. Life truly is a gift and I don't want to come to the conclusion one day that I no longer like where I'm sitting. I want that same zest for life that I had when I was six years old and everything was new and exciting. I want to forever look at the world with the sense of excitable anticipation for the encounters I may embark on.

On that note -
I spent the weekend with some friends I've made while here in Oklahoma. I successfully, however tired, experienced the rivalry that is OU vs Texas in the flesh.

Thanks to Jeff, Kelly, Ideen, and Monica for making this a fun weekend.

BOOMER...

Welcome to My Hospital

It's always a rush to walk the block over from where I park my car to the hospital entrance. Being that my punctuality [cough, or lack thereof] gets me at my desk at 8:00 every morning, I am always in a rush, half winded when I walk the 9 flights up the steps because nothing is slower than waiting on an elevator.

So in my rush every morning I have come to make some conclusions about the area I work in.

The wind whistles through the spaces between the cars as they pile into their slots, which of course are few and far between even at 7:45. That early in the morning there are workers trimming bushes and mowing lawns. As you walk between those buildings you smell the cut grass and the small wildflowers sprouting up between the cracks of the sidewalk.

As you approach the entrance to the hospital, even before 8 am, men with walkers and wheelchairs line up on the balcony gripping tightly to their cigarettes leaving a scent of smoke wafting through the air.

Getting through the lobby where patients wait for their prescriptions is an ordeal. Stagnant and hot humid air circles around the lobby and conversations mix and muddle with the television shows that play while patients wait.

People move quickly, slowly, some without any specific location in mind, others wait for someone to wheel them to their next donation. I weave in and out between people to make my way to the stairwell nearest my office door. Construction workers scoop, tinker, and build to create a new wing on the hospital.

By the time I reach my floor I am out of breath and the nape of my neck is damp with sweat. And that's just the beginning...

Do note:
1. If you are a woman you will be hit on - can I get your number? You're 74, no!
2. No one will agree on the food.
3. You're bound to do inpatient, outpatient, and any other little thing...in one day
4. Expect anything, you'll work hard and see a lot of different things.
5. Prepare to write and be ULTRA prepared for any work in the country.

Just Another Rainy Sunday

I love the rain, I love it especially at home when the thunder echos in the cul-de-sac. Outside of this week, it has been a long time since rain hit Oklahoma soil. And it suits my mood today just fine.

I woke up with the light streaming in the window praying that it would be overcast and that I could open the windows and breathe in fresh air, keep my air conditioning off, and find some glimmer of fall weather in the breeze. God knew, and my prayers were answered. I could pray for another three day weekend but I won't press my luck.

Overall, this weekend went by like a dream. I slept a good portion of it away and did little in the area of productivity. Friday night I turned off the lights, danced around the apartment and hopped in the stopped up shower with a few candles lit and let the heat surround me [simple pleasures]!

Completing this next week of clinical rotations I will be more than half way done. I made it this far, look out floor coverage here I come [mind you I'm saying this in the most feeble tone possible].

Football season has started as you all know. For me, that means an empty church parking lot to pull into on Saturday evenings. You're always aware of when a home OU game takes place simply by the number of parishioners attending services on Saturdays. And yes, I am aware they love their football down here, and yes I am aware of who Sam Bradford is....now. Don't judge me!

There's a pot of chicken vegetable soup I concocted on the stove simmering and an empty bed that's calling my name. Mellow music is drowned out by the sound of thunder and rain coming through the open windows and I am lethargic but entirely too happy. No worries, tomorrow will ruin it all [Mondays inevitably always do]. Until October 22nd, which I have declared to be the BEST day of 2010, I will slave away at the hospital learning necessary tools to help me practice and pass my boards early next year.


Today's:
Choice websites to waste time on:
http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/
which subsequently led me to --
http://www.stormthecastle.com/terrarium/
http://www.facebook.com/
http://www.thekitchn.com/

Choice song:
Heartbeats - Jose Gonzalez

See you. love you. bye

Claddagh

I do not fancy myself much for excessive jewelry. I couldn't tell you a thing about accessorizing properly and I don't much mind that [it is far less expensive]. I am however, somewhat envious when other people day in and day out manage to look put together and show up to places on time. This feat is virtually impossible in my book. Truth be told, I will never be a punctual person and I'm okay with that...I just work a little harder to get to places on time compared to those perpetually punctual.

However, I'm getting away from the point of this post. I've been thinking a lot about my time here in Oklahoma as the days get shorter and the months fly by [No, I do not know what I am doing with my life, I'm trusting that the plan will simply unfurl itself in some cosmically awesome way...did you hear that God? Cosmically awesome, as in hit me over the head with it because I probably won't notice otherwise. I can be a bit oblivious after all]. It will be nearly November by the time I am finished with clinical rotations and that means just about a month to simply be Mara the Grad student once again. And oh, how I have savored those moments of simply 'being' [mostly by the pool].

I am not entirely sure on God's intent for sending me to Oklahoma. I understand that I needed these experiences to become an RD and I understand that I have blossomed more into the person I was meant to be having come down here on my own. Maybe it was the friendships I've made or the experiences I've gotten to partake in [both within the internship and well outside of it].

What I do know is this, all those people that told me I'd find myself a cowboy were wrong. Of course, I knew that from the get-go. I'm not here to get my M.R.S. degree I'm here for my Masters. I am happily single, it always struck me as odd when people ask if I have a boyfriend and I respond that I don't. In their mind they either have someone lined up or they ask me why not? "Well thank you for pointing that out. I didn't realize!" Being single is not a curse by any means, unless you're an old hag. I like being single because I can focus on me, I don't have to worry about what he's doing or what his plans are. I don't have to work twice as hard to keep two schedules in order. I have difficulty enough keeping my friends' schedules in line. However, as happy as I am, and that being said I would like to send a message out to my husband - wherever he is, whenever I meet him.

Dear You,

I'm patiently preparing myself for the day we meet. I'm working on making myself the best spouse that I can be and I hope and pray that you are too. Know that I think about you often and pray for your safety. I love you very much and I know that some day when the timing is JUST right, God will send you to me. Or maybe he'll send me to you. Either way, I anticipate our life together because we are playmates and partners in crime; we are friends and we are better together than we are apart.

Love, Me

P.S. You're sure to never be bored as we're on an adventure in this life together and I know I am a handful [just ask my parents]. I'm glad we can share in our appetite for life!

P.P.S Please know what the claddagh is and make sure that you take it seriously because I wear it with pride and it is a beautiful symbol. Also, I expect you to flip it at some obscure moment in our courting [yes, courting].

P.P.P.S. kloveyoubye

sylyb

You Don't Know

Fifteen Things You're Likely Not to Know About Me...Unless You Do
[and then I'm sorry you're rereading it]

1. Bill Cosby puts me in stitches
2. I have had plastic surgery on my ear twice
3. For a brief period in time I wanted to be the following:
meteorologist, teacher, marine biologist, one of the Price is Right women. Another period in time I wanted to own a restaurant called Flowers and Frosting [copyright pending]. If a photographer got in on that act we'd also be Fotos...I'm so clever
4. Potty humor is never NOT funny; $&%@ is my favorite cuss word.
5. I'd never been to a county fair until after my senior year in high school
6. I'm an art kid at heart. I've gone through my stints of knitting [remedial kid style], mod podge [love that!], would be photography, painting, knick knack making, redo my room "Trading Spaces" style, jewelry making, scrap booking. Really, there's no point in going on because you get the point. Currently on my videography kick.
7. Took piano lessons for 12 years
8. I write poetry...and you're likely never to read it
9. My spice rack is alphabetized, my closet is [kind of] color and seasonally arranged, my bed never needs made because it never gets un-made [except when the clothes pile up].
10. I love vacuuming and despise dusting
11. I'm according to my IgE test, severely allergic to dust mites. Thank you antihistamine.
12. Which reminds me, I sneeze really weird
13. Despite my one month bout in Chicago [which doesn't really count in my book] I've only ever lived in states that start with the letter "O"
14. I'm an INTP or INTJ. I was on the bubble. Look that up in your Funk and Wagnalls!
15. I have 34 first cousins...and it's awesome.

Sweet Tooth

About three hours ago [5:30] I sat at my dining room table eating my pepper jack Tuna melt and wished the evening away. And by that, I mean I wished it were bedtime.

I am by no means a lousy morning person, but if it were up to me, I'd be able to sleep until 10 each and every day. Call me lazy, I don't mind much, I know the power of a good long night's sleep. And so I have been waiting for the sun to go down since I arrived home. Funny how I should act such a way. I'll be thrilled when Friday arrives and I will have completed my first FULL week of clinicals.

In other news, I must share with you that in preparation for going to bed I took my contacts out early on in the evening to give my eyeballs a rest, all that chart work can really take it out of you!

I wrote my first clinical note as a Dietetic Intern today and saw patients on my own, not in a mock trial, not with the intent of getting a passing grade in my Medical Nutrition Therapy course, but to prepare myself for the work force, EEK!

Beyond that, as any good procrastinator does, I visited one of my most favorite time wasting sites [http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/]. It sucks you in with the colorful pictures and links to other wonderful time wasting sites. Beyond that, with my multitude of other locations to waste time [i.e. youtube, facebook, awkwardfamilyphotos] I finally arrived at a suitable enough time to think about going to bed.

While I was browsing, I should mention I saw the best idea for organizing in a kitchen that I have come across in some time. I've included that picture for you above.

While wasting time, I let my stomach do the talking [post tuna melt and blueberry muffin], as it all too often does. Notice Exhibit C, a concoction I perfected at home with the 'rents. I caved last night at the grocery store when I saw Redi Whip [which I have not yet purchased since I've moved to Oklahoma] staring at me through the glass doors. I had to give in, if for nothing else, than for the satisfaction of creating this picture.

I should also mention, this is the second night in a row I've allowed myself to succumb to its call. Better fruit and whipped cream than the Nilla Wafers I munch on or the Fudge Bars in the freezer. If nothing else, my apartment is stocked with enough sweets to administer to any girl experiencing PMS for at least 4 months. I just wish that could be my excuse for my sweet tooth right now.

No matter, the Wellness Center is open late tomorrow!

Until we one-way-chat-again enjoy the rest of your week! See you. Love you. Bye