Home

I must admit to you on this cold afternoon in my cold apartment [yes, I still haven't turned on my heat] that I am unsure about how I feel with the impending changes.

I guess I have avoided thinking about it, in fact, I've put thinking about the actuality of it at the very back of my mind. I'm not counting down the days and yet they seem to get closer and closer and closer. It makes me feel good to know people are excited for my return home...Home, what an interesting word. Isn't the apartment I'm sitting in home? Wasn't my dorm room at school home? My childhood houses too, the ones that have since been filled by other families too...they're all home. I suppose wherever Mom and Dad are is home, they are home to me because I am always their child. I am still that girl sitting staring out the window as the rain pours down through the trees in the backyard wondering where my life will take me.

So being that things are soon going to change, boxes will be filled and we'll have another long drive, possibly through another snow storm. A year in Oklahoma, it flew so fast. And I sit here without a doubt in my mind that I will return and see it just as it was, home. Home for a girl who learned she had to be a pseudo adult at some point in time.

This week was a roller coast of emotions. I've gone from being studious to panic stricken to relieved and finally calm. I swear there's a sort of aftershock where things take time to settle out, where my prayers for some sense of clarity and peace make their way from the heavens. And it's at that point I send up a prayer in thanks for sending down the calm I've been aching for.

And so, in my remaining weeks here I've been making Christmas cookies [in hopes of getting rid of food Mom doesn't want me to bring back], staring wide eyed at all the lights, enjoying the weather, enjoying my friends, and finishing up the tasks of being a grad student and intern. I've come to terms with the fact that I also must apply for jobs, yes, I applied for two so far. Still more searching to do to decide where in this fine country I'll be for the next few years.

See you. Love you. Bye