The End of a Chapter

I have been rather mopey lately.

There is not definitive reason for me to get up. I've put flannel sheets on my bed but still there is a tinge of chill in the apartment; the last thing I want to do is get out of the warm sheets and be productive [that, and I want to see how long it takes before I really need to turn on the heat].

The clocks will fall back next week and then I'll be that much more apt to stay in bed just a little bit longer. Of course, what with the late mornings and evenings turning dark the days are flying by. Truth be told, I don't really know how I feel about it all. I'll be sad to leave but I don't really want to stay after a good portion of my friends move back to their prospective states.

My life has revolved around going to school to make something of myself since I was five. No, I did not have the same drive or purpose that I do now, but I always worked hard on my studies to get good grades, even if that meant procrastinating until Mom told me I could not leave the kitchen table until my math homework was finished [unfortunately, I have always been a bit of a procrastinator].

After graduating with my degree in undergrad the purpose of my life was still to finish up with schooling: to get the internship, to prove myself among other individuals, to do well. That time is nearly coming to an end. I have to finish up my classes and get hooded and I'll be done. Finished. Complete.

I don't feel ready for the real world though. I'm not old enough to have a job, not a real one. The only reason I managed through the jobs I've had since I turned 16 was to survive working them through the summer. I always had a light at the end of the tunnel, an ending, a break from paychecks and taxes. They were simple jobs and I was given just enough responsibility to earn the money I made [no matter how little that was].

In these times of a go-go-go world we work more to spend more, to make money so we can pay back the government for loans we took out, purchases we cannot afford, and things that don't actually make us happy; I sometimes wonder what it would all be like if we stopped chasing the dream of consumerism and started living as simplistically as possible. [Example: If we all just ate healthier and kept our weight within a healthy range there wouldn't be as many issues with heart failure. If we prevented these things from happening we'd be less likely to need solutions.] If we got out and did things with our hands we wouldn't need to pay people to do the work for us. We'd have more time if we realized that work is a means to sustain ourselves, not to get lost and keep away from family.

Just another excuse we put on ourselves to think we'll be happy.

Maybe this is me freaking out, maybe this is just a way for me to put all of my angst on the slippery slope we as Americans are taking with our need for things [that is just another reason I'm excited to do some deep cleaning/purging of 'stuff' when I get back home]. Or maybe, this is a wake up call for me to set my priorities straight before I put down roots [I'm still trying out my wings].

I'm not an adult yet, I've still got places to travel to, experiences to take part in, things to discover. I have plans to follow through with [plans I've yet to dream up] and there's no better time to do it than while I'm still young and mostly worry free. Now, if only I had the money to afford these excursions....You see, I just brought myself full circle on this one. I need a job to do things before I get a job that I want to stick with and put down roots and, well you get the idea.