Independence...best weekend so far

I'd like to start off by saying that I am so sorry I was not able to be home this weekend or last. If I were any closer I would have been in the car to be with my family and friends during celebration and distress. Know that my mind and heart was with you though.

It has been a long time coming I think. Terrified of change, terrified of having to do things on my own but there's something freeing about overcoming that fear.

I think its now starting to hit me more. I remember Mom told me how I was the child that didn't want to be held or cuddled on; my brothers loved that. I don't think that marked me as a person that doesn't like to be touched or hugged [I do love it now, and moreover I love touching things. If you've ever been shopping with me you realize I touch everything all the time, the groceries, the shirts on their hangers, the shoes, and craft supplies, etc]. What I do think is that maybe that told my mother early on that one day I would be independent. It may have taken some time to spread out my wings but I feel like being so far from home forces you, thrusts you, into a new situation where you must take control. Not just take control though, own the life you lead.

If I want to go grocery shopping, I don't wait on anyone but myself. If there's laundry to be done, it is my task alone. If I think it'd be a good idea to go to the store and buy a dress [which I've decided is going to be my new staple piece, just as soon as I get a few more] then I will do it. If I want to plan a trip to California and back, then not a soul will stop me on my journey there.

Long story short, I am gaining my independence. Mom, no need to worry about me all the time.

In other news, as usual...
I had the best weekend here. I am sore, bruised, and in need of another day before Monday, but it was just what I could have hoped for. The Wellness Center, movies and lounging with some enchiladas Friday night after errands on Friday. Domestic work, a walk around Lake Hefner [gorgeous weather], Panera, church, and roller skating [post getting lost on the way there] on Saturday. Swimming, TV, and homework on Sunday. I had hoped on going dress shopping but I'll wait until my loans come in for that, don't necessarily want to go to the mall by myself. I'm independent but I'm not a loner. I plan on taking a bath and lighting some candles too.

Yep, good weekend.

Oh, the bruises you ask? Yeah, bit the dust twice in a row at the rink. Damn kids need to slow down and not shove, possibly get some manners too. And I say kids because most everyone was twelve. A video on youtube highlighting that excursion is to follow shortly. Check back on here for it to be posted, or get on youtube, or get on facebook, you've got options.

I have three weeks left before my management rotation is over, I have the Oklahoma Dietetic Association conference at the end of the month to attend and will be getting some community hours. I'm writing articles on nutrition for WIC employees this month since it's NATIONAL NUTRITION MONTH in March. And in case you were wondering, National Dietitian Day is March 1oth.

I miss my parents, my brothers, my dog. I miss my cousin, my best friend, all my friends, and my energetic nephew. I think about you all a ton but am enjoying this part of my journey.

As Great As...

As great as I've been doing there are still those days you just want to curl up in a corner and lock out the world. Yeah, crying at the drop of a hat is actually awesome...not, but sometimes it is necessary [according to me at least]. Today is one of those days. That's when you ask Maria for advice and she says "Don't have a pity party, do something happy."

Great advice that's not always the easiest to follow.

The weeks are rolling by wonderfully. I have finished 6 of my weeks and have four left to do. My last day is March 19th. This is great and yet many things are coming up and need to be turned in: major projects, in-depth studies, surveys, and school projects that must be in. Yeah, I'm a bit overwhelmed. But I chose this and I have to muster up the gumption to just GET. IT. DONE.

Gramma and Grampa's 60th Anniversary party is today, most everyone is there. They know I'd be there if I could but I miss seeing them. I miss seeing all my family.

Not really feeling saying much else, when I'm in a better mood you'll hear all the good stuff, all the boring stuff. Everything.

MYLYB

The Plan

So You Know How I'm Feeling, I'm 'Bout to Get All God's Message on You All:

It is of my opinion that a person's relationship with God changes as they age, much like a marriage. God will forever be my spouse, even when He sends me the husband I have been praying is ready to handle me. This union I have with the Big Guy has evolved and developed a lot. As I have grown in stages in life, so has my relationship. I am, after all, all about living and keeping clear from the dirty word that is 'stagnancy'. I like to live and learn and grow, I like to think I have a zest for life, I like to think that is one of my most magical gifts from God.

So anyway, back to this relationship thing. I went to church last night and the theme was trust in God and it eventually led to the Beatitudes in the Gospel of Luke. Here I am sitting there listening to something I've been trying to pound into my brain for the past near ten months. I have to trust in God's plan. GOD'S plan is not my plan. I have to have faith that the direction my life is going is the course I am intended to go. Since you all know me, you know this is one of my bigger struggles in my relationship with God.

In the past few days I've been feeling more enlightened and it was a few weeks ago I actually felt happy to be here. Yeah, God, I said it. I'm enthused this is where I am. I've been praying to you long enough to uncover my eyes. Thanks for recognizing my patience is not the best. Annnyway, back to the story. For those of you who are wondering, I am doing well here in OK and am enjoying my time, even if that means I have to get up at 4:15 every morning and am perpetually tired. It's not so much the classes or lack of sleep I'm enjoying but more the relationships I'm forming. I feel more comfortable in my own skin, an ever evolving thing for me. It's the people I'm getting to know and the lessons about living on my own that I'm learning. Don't get me wrong, I call home most days of the week, but I'm not as sad about being away from my family now. I think we all realize I had to leave to find more of myself.


Every person develops as they age, it's something we have to do. You become smarter as you study, more comfortable with socializing as you make new friends and meet new people, and find a place in the world as you work to see the path you want to take. The path. The plan. It all involves trust and faith. Like I've said before it's the fog that I'm driving in, I'm just trusting that I'll end up where I'm supposed to be if I pay attention and do my best each step of the way. Giving up on figuring it out myself, that's exhausting, I'll let God do it, it's going to turn out his way anyway - making straight lines out of crooked paths.

So this relation evolution of me and the Big One: I started out super shy, I was that kid stuck to Mom's leg when she talked with people I didn't know. "Mara, say hi." Cricket, cricket. Silence. Yep, that was me. God loved me then and I'm hoping He's still happy with how I'm turning out now. He's blessed me ridiculously well and I lead a charmed life. Have you seen my family? They're awesome, of course I'm ridiculously blessed. I had started out more comfortable once I hit eighth grade I guess, but I was on top of the totem pole. My perspective quickly changed as I started out in high school. And yeah, freshman year was really rough, and while I'm not the type to go depressed [I prefer to remain enthusiastic about life, it's more fulfilling] I went through a good portion of it unhappy with how I was developing and fitting myself in. My relationship with God was not as strong then as it is now, I didn't think to rely on Him or be a 'burden', I just thought I had to do right by Him.

Sophomore year I got up the guts to start talking a little more I think, or maybe it was just that my soon-to-be-best friend felt compelled to start hanging out with me. She was 'love in action' for me, God was working through her to send me a message. Of course, I don't see that until its hindsight, but I do see it.

Along with her I had my staple friend, the constant that had known me since I was three. My oldest friend was happy to let me tag along with her and I'm so thankful that I still keep in touch with her and enjoy her company to this day. I may not have survived freshman year without her help.

Not to discount my favorite cousin in the whole wide world, I was able to have her as my sounding board and she still is. We were similar in our situations, in what we were going through in school, and we'd survived the terribly awkward stages of our weird years together. [Laugh] Look at us now, still awkward, but more comfortable.

God was working through those friends, through my family, He was supporting me whether I recognized it or not. There will never be enough prayers of thanks to show my gratitude, I'm just trying to live it and prove it.

College was quite the experience. My relationship strengthened and increased tenfold, no, probably more. It was in college that I chose my religion. I had been raised to believe in the teachings I had all through grade school and high school, attended church with my parents every weekend. But college, going to church was my choice, and there really was no choosing, I was always there. I realized more in college than my years at private school [my solid foundation] why I chose to be a Christian. I actively pursued my relationship with God, not that I didn't have my moments where I went to church but wasn't 'there'. Again, the relationship develops and changes and evolves, just like a marriage.

Now that I've moved to my next step and just plain moved I'm seeing much more clearly that these plans I have for myself are dwarfed by the amazing plans that have been laid out for me.

You see, by the end of college, as I was fervently awaiting my results for the Spring internship match, I had mapped out where my life was going to go. In my eyes, I'd found my husband, my career, my place of employment. I'd figured out all the details on my future children, how I wanted my house to be decorated, there wasn't much I hadn't thought about [I'm introverted but my no means is being alone an issue, there are just SO many things to figure out]. I'm a list person, my head's in the clouds, I'm dreaming about the future...but I savor the here and now [lessons I've learned from my parents and grandparents, I was never one to rush off trying to be older than I was].

And God said, "Let Mara learn My plans are way better than her's" Funny Big Guy, really funny:
No internship. No boyfriend. Couldn't even get the job back at the hospital. I resorted to catering weddings, which is not all that great after you break up with someone you love. I felt lost. All the plans I had made were gone. Plans, what plans? I couldn't plan ahead. I was just treading water to keep afloat. Looking back now, I know I needed to surrender. I needed to let God take over. And so, I cried. I cried a lot. And I swam and did my yoga. I made my smoothies. I laid around. I grasped how beautiful life in what seems like disaster can be. I was home. Time passed and I bounced back, but smarter.

I applied all over the country to DI programs. I applied and I didn't make plans. I had hoped, but even when I started letting my mind wander it never got too far. I couldn't see the future without knowing the outcome of the internship. So while I waited I tried out for a play. Proof that God loves me: the people involved in the show, all the student actors, welcomed me in for exactly who I was, the goofy girl that had nothing to do with the college and wasn't even a theater student. I had so much fun doing that play and I'm so thankful for the friends I made. In fact, I want to do more, I will try out for more after this crazy year. But I'm not opposed to whatever God brings my way, He knows I can be resistant and persistent but I'm a work in progress. Nevertheless, acting is fantastic, you get to be anyone, this creative outlet.

The news - I'm moving to Oklahoma, I'm. moving. to. OKLAHOMA? Everything cool up there God? Are you sure about OK? He was. Dad believed it. Mom and I knew it was bittersweet. Well, Dad knew it, but Mom showed it. And so the purchases, planning, and packing commenced. Kind of. Mom and Dad got me set up with dishes and a vacuum, and eight million other things while I worked on finding an apartment and making my lists on things I had to do before I had to leave that next month. The packing didn't really get going until I was forced. Much like right before college, the dining room was crowded with my things, and I stared at them as if to burn a hole in them. If I didn't do it the day wouldn't arrive when I'd have to leave. SHUT DOWN MODE. Obviously, I eventually packed with Mom's help.

I'm still lost, but I'm putting a death grip on God's hand. If You dare let go I'm might go under again, I need You to lead the way. And so I pray, I pray a lot. I feel like I should pray more and more. But I love my new church and my fellow interns. The people at the hospital are all SO nice, it's a wonderful fit for me. I'm back in my school groove, although doing homework is not really my thing yet, getting there. And I'm making short term plans. I'm trying to see and do as much as I can while I'm here. I'm making the most of the opportunity God helped push me into. I think He knows I need some coercing when it comes to big life changes. He knows and He's leading the way.

So now, I'm happy being single. I'm happy to be in Oklahoma even if I'm broke. I'm happy I got in to this internship with the masters. I'm happy I'm still keeping in touch with my high school and college friends and making new ones here. I'm happy and I'm not planning. My head's still in the clouds, don't get me wrong, but I'm trusting that God's taking me where I'm supposed to end up. And I'm constantly praying He uncovers my eyes to the next step before I start planning too far in advance. My eager-beaver syndrome had to get pulled back, "whoah, Mara, there's more for you to see and do than settling down just yet." And I've come to terms with that and I'm cool with it. Still scared but ready and working on trusting God, throw up my hands and just say, lead the way. I'm letting Him take control and working on the relationship I have with Him, the ever evolving and growing relationship.

Long story short, don't worry about me. Even though I'm scared about the unknown ahead, God's got me covered. I'm happy being here and I miss you all terribly.

SYLYB

So Far Away

Suddenly, I feel very far away from home.

I live in Oklahoma, no where near where my family resides. Nowhere near Gramma and Grampa's 60th Anniversary Party which I am sorry to be missing. Nowhere near my little brother who decided he's going to Ohio State for school [and failed to call and tell me the news]. Nowhere near my pain in the ass dog that also happens to make me smile every time I think about her.

I live in Oklahoma and I am far from home, but I am blazing the path to the future I want for myself. Sometimes it's just hard to let go of the things that helped put you here [not that I will ever let go of my family....EVER] but this is kind of metaphorical here too.

In other news, one of the ladies at work gave me a Holly Hobby apron she had when she was a sixth grade because she didn't want it anymore and because she knows I wear aprons when I cook and do dishes. Yeah, I'm that girl. It's like I'm preparing to be the best housewife ever. Ha, yeah, a long way off from being a wife. I'm very happy where I am in life in that department. So much to do before I share my everything with someone for the rest of my life. Let's not take this lightly.

SYLYB.

Moving Right Along

I am supremely happy to announce that this week has gone by faster than the last. Last week in turn went faster than the one before. Now, I'm not a fan of aging quickly or losing sight of the little things in life, however, I am always happy to see 50.5 hours of work fly by so I can enjoy the precious hours of the weekend.

I had uploaded a video or me talking last week but unfortunately I think youtube may have lost it. Or perhaps it didn't upload right. Either way, I did not get anything up. Because of the ice storm last week I had to make up the 8.5 hours I missed on Friday during this past week, ergo the 50.5 hours I worked. Luckily on Friday I got to sleep in until 6 because I didn't have to be at work until 7. Yes, I did say sleeping in.

All this week I worked with the cooks in the kitchen. I gained experience figuring out yields and what to do when there isn't enough of a product for the front and back line. Next week I'll work with the stock people and the lady that does budgeting and the like. That will be my last week of working in the kitchen before I take on supervisor status. Thankfully, I'll have enough time to work on my in-depth study, major project, and finish up my in-service I'm preparing for the employees. Thank goodness I did all the data entry and tray checks this last week [not that it means anything to you]. Real world people don't even work this hard, this is intense! At least the hospital runs like a well oiled machine.

Last night I was able to go with the group of new interns [minus 2] to a piano bar in downtown OKC. As we were walking there we saw a band from outside some windows and everyone watching. Looking in at our fishbowl I started dancing behind the window, but oh wait, that's where we were going in. No worries, most everyone had been drinking anyway. The 'dueling pianos' were fantastic to listen to, a bit loud, but I have no trouble singing loudly. I wonder why my voice is so masculine sounding today. Hmmm...

In other news on a night I did not want to go to bed before 9 I decided to plan the mother of all road trips. I mean mother, if I get some other interns to go with me we may have to stop for an oil change at some point. Here's what I put on my itinerary, bit lofty, but if I don't get lofty it may not happen. Of course, if I don't have grad loans to use as my cash this may fall dead fast.

Trip of the Southwest:
OKC, OK
Amarillo, TX
Albuquerque, NM
Flagstaff, AZ
Phoenix, AZ
Los Angeles, CA
Yosemite, CA
Las Vegas, NV
Grand Canyon, AZ
Santa Fe, NM
OKC, OK
Total Time: 2 Days 11 Hours: 3,416 miles

Still working on when we'd go, obviously after May classes end and before summer session starts. I also figured if four of us go in a car it'll cost about $200 on gas per person. Wonder if any trains could take us for cheaper. We're considering using sleeping bags and tents. No, seriously....I want to do this trip. I set my mind to it, something WILL happen [unfortunately maybe not quite as lofty, this is after all driving across half the country and back, not to mention the time it would take]. We may have some people that provide us shelter along the way in Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona. Living off the hospitality of others, we poor grad students need all the assistance we can.

More later....
SYLYB

Woot woot. Celebrate Nicholas' getting in!!!

Snow Storm

Wednesday it was 67 out, all that has changed. The wind did its work. It blew and brought in storms from the southwest. It is 20 something out. Yesterday I got out of work about ten minutes early. These precious minutes were spent using my ice scraper as a pickaxe to break the thick layer of freezing rain off my windshield. Thankfully, I had a warm coat, hat, scarf, and gloves on to do the job as speedily as I could. Not so thankfully, I broke my poor scraper. Off I went on new tires [thanks Mom and Dad] down the highway home.

My two night classes were cancelled due to inclement weather and I was thankful. After I got home I had no desire to leave my apartment. The sleet and freezing rain did not let up until late that evening. When I woke up to go in to work today I stepped outside on a layer of sleet that looked like a thick blanket of snow. Upon inspecting the surroundings, keeping in mind the coming snow later in the morning, and noticing that my car was frozen shut [no, seriously, I tried to open it and still cannot], I called in to tell them I would be staying home from work. Back to bed I went and I didn't wake up until noon. Had I woken up earlier I may have considered braving the elements to work a half day. But my biological clock though forget that, you need to get better!

I spent the rest of the day lounging around on every piece of furniture in my apartment, sipping tea, watching Food Network and the Disney Channel, and baking cookies. I should have not baked those cookies, mostly because I had to use margarine [but partly because all weekend I'll have no one to share them with, no little brother to eat three fresh out of the oven]. Let's be honest, in baking there is NO exception to butter. Oh well, now I'm going to take a bath and climb into my warm bed because it hasn't even been 12 hours since we were together and we're good friends.

MJ- I dedicate these cookies to you, because I love you and because you are my buddy.

I Never Posted This

So it's mid week, the storm of the century is apparently coming our way from the west and people are getting prepared. I decided to venture to Target today, in hopes that I could get a few staple things. Apparently, the rest of the state of Oklahoma had the same idea and went to my Target as well. The entire bread isle was missing, and forget about finding bananas. They were even out of my special yogurt.

I miserably shuffled my way around the store. I've been battling with an unusual cold for the past few days. First symptoms began last Thursday with a sore throat. By Monday at 11 I had aches, cold sweaty chills, and an overwhelming desire to ralph all over the bread I was bagging. I tried to excuse myself quietly while I walked to the office to put my head down on something [anything] cold when a fellow worker told me I 'looked like hell...like death].

The following day I amped up my daytime medicine but still felt like I'd run a marathon the day before. One of my supervisors even made me gargle salt water three times that day. And when I say 'made me' I mean it. Today everything has traveled from my chest to my sinuses and apparently my tear ducts as well. Needless to say, I am the picture of beauty and perfection [heavy on the sarcasm please].

Like I said, tomorrow we are expecting some possible sleet, ice, and eventually 1 - 3 inches of snow into Friday. I just hope I don't get stuck somewhere with Oklahoma drivers that don't know how to function in winter weather conditions, or worse get into an accident of my own accord. I intend to leave early tomorrow [am hoping it doesn't hit until after I get BACK from work] and pray my second night class is cancelled, like my first already was. Many schools, church programs, activities around the city are already cancelled. They don't mess around down here.

If it is really bad, suffice it to say, I will be calling in to work to tell them I'm not risking my life. I don't get paid enough for that...oh wait. The governor already told Oklahomans in all 77 counties to avoid any unnecessary risk. Considering I'm extra help, don't get paid, and should acquire greater than the allotted hours I'll need there I'd saying rushing off to the hospital would be unnecessary. Again, I'm still waiting to see if this storm really hits and how intense it turns out to be. *Say a quick prayer here please* Getting into an accident doesn't sound like a good idea to me, especially when I already feel like a leaky faucet.

Oh, and here were my results from the computer matching program. I cannot believe I did not post these shortly after I found out I got the spot.

I am pleased to inform you that you have been appointed (computer matched) to Oklahoma - #.

You must respond to the appointment (computer match) by calling or faxing a letter to the Program Director on or before 5:00PM (time zone of the program) Tuesday, November 17, 2009. After that time, the program is under no obligation to hold the opening for you.

The Program Director will provide you with information necessary to confirm your appointment.

Congratulations and best wishes in your career.

Blond

I am smart. I know this, I was gifted through genetics with a sharp mind. I was gifted with a lot more than brains through my fantastic parents but, really, we're not going there today. I digress. I am smart...but, yes, but. There are times I could swear I really have no clue. Doing new things for the first time can be a bit...um, comical if you're watching me figure my way around. And seriously, it isn't always easy to find someone's apartment in a complex. Buildings should really be more Mara friendly. Thankfully, I do not embarrass easily and I'll just consider that one more of my quirks I hope my future spouse finds lovable.

After having slept 13 hours [recuperating from the ridiculous hours at the hospital and the chest cold and sore throat I managed to get despite the constant, and I mean constant, hand washing] I woke up Saturday morning still feeling like a train wreck but I had every intention of being productive. I was going to go to two fellow intern-mates' apartment to get all my homework done. Yeah, four girls in a room that just met a few weeks ago. Can you guess how much we got done? I guess one thing's better than none. We did go out and enjoy fantastic Mexican food though, BONUS!

More things to mention, I love my newly found church. I have been five times since the Oklahoma Adventures began and have felt so certain it was the church I was supposed to go to in the city I was supposed to do my internship. There's music and a band that play before mass starts and upbeat music to end [sometimes accompanied by clapping :)]. It is a large congregation connected to a school so it is very family oriented. The priests are also funny and talk in layman's terms. Thank you God, I actually like listening to the homilies. I even like the shape of the new church, it's the little things in life, isn't it?

In other news, the parents and baby brother returned from their trip overseas which makes me happy they got back safe and sound. They're all a little sick but they're all back, which is what matters most. And they brought GOODIES! And an authentic recipe from one of the locals, hooray! Also, Nicholas is heading for an interview tomorrow. Keep him in your prayers as he has been in mine. I'm certain he'll do well [I'm convinced he couldn't make a bad impression] but prayers always do help.

So today I'm actually hoping to be more productive and go to bed early because I'll need to be at work again tomorrow at 5:30. I'm becoming less paranoid my alarm clock won't go off so at least I'm sleeping more soundly without waking up every hour. Paranoia reminds me, I need to find the nearest shelter in case of a tornado. I've had a few natives tell me that.

Oh, and the weather...I will not complain about the wind because at least it is warm out.

Ugh, and seriously, Oklahoma drivers, do you need to speed up, cut me off, and brake abruptly? If you drove more laid back there would be fewer accidents on the highway congesting the already heavy traffic. Who am I kidding? The traffic is not bad at 4:45 in the morning.

Oh. Oh. Oh, and the recycling center only takes aluminum?!? Luckily the university takes paper and plastic. The things I do for mother nature!

Is anyone out there?

Miss you. Love you. Bye.

Rest in peace Auntie Sal

Week 2 Fog

I've finished my second week, thankfully it went much quicker than the first. If the days speed by like this for the rest of the year I will be a seasoned new professional by next January.

It's funny though, here I am working towards this great goal: get my masters, pass the RD exam, and become a professional, and yet I am still unsure what I want to do, if this is the right path [that is what the internship is all about though, learning]. Had you told me in high school that I would become a dietitian, that I would study lots of sciences and move to a different state to gain experience I need to further my career I would have laughed. Well, first I would have ignored it because looking back, that is just plain silly.

I guess I kind of happened to fall into this. Like many other things [call it what you will, destiny, coincidence, God's plan in action] I have been very blessed and charmed for things to work in my favor. Until the day I found out I did not get matched in April I cruised through things mostly without any road blocks. It was never that I simply didn't try, I worked hard for my good grades, for the things that I accomplished, but I never tasted defeat like I had shortly before graduation. So the path sort of cleared itself for me as I went through the college application process, the years there, and eventually to Oklahoma.

Many days this past week I have been leaving to head to work in a dense fog [5 a.m]. You cannot see much ahead of you and very little behind you as well. Street lights are hovering orbs of light. Cars are sparse on the highway and city streets. When you look out ahead of you in the distance there isn't much to tell, it's a blank canvas, gray and white swirling together to give you no glimpse of the road ahead, no opportunity to prepare for what is possibly in store. As I was driving through the fog however things began to form shapes, road signs became clear, and cars took shape.

I'm a big picture kind of girl, I think I've said that before, but it bears repeating. I look at the big picture to plan out the road map for life, just a general outline. If you over-prepare but expect to be flexible you are set any way the road turns. However, I'm also stubborn, and once I set my mind to something it is hard to get it out of my head, a persistent "bull dog" as my father lovingly puts it. I was set on my plans going my way. Boy was I wrong. In the past year I have found that the big picture can be extremely scary, it is unknown and fogged over. I am, in fact, not seeing the big picture as the Big Guy already has seen. So, going with what's right there in front of me, preparing as best for it, and working with obstacles as they come is essential.

So I'm in a fog, figuratively, metaphorically, and many mornings, literally. I'm working on letting God handle the hassle and the plans He has for me. I'm working on it. I'm not all the way there yet, but I am continuing to let Him take over. My plans are nothing compared to what is yet in store. I'm still young, I've much to do, much to give to others, and much to learn. I want to get the most out of the excitement that awaits me in the fog and I know that if I'm smart and make good decisions I will survive.

Who knows where I'll be in a few years, who knows what 2010 will have in store for me. All I know is that I'm going to follow the path as it presents itself with a clear head. If I end up on another scary adventure then so be it, another opportunity for growth and learning. My life is potential and possibility. I've no things to tie me down so the adventure is really the unknown.

Vloggin It

Mid-Week

Not much new to post. I've been getting better at knowing what I can do in the kitchen. Mid February I'll start learning and acting as Early Shift Supervisor. I'll be glad when all this extreme work is over. Having a big girl job doesn't even take this much effort, 9 hours of classes and 43 hours of work a week, plus occasional internship stuff on Saturdays. No thanks!

The weekend flew by, as expected. I'm getting better at waking up at 4:30, mostly out of fear that I'll get to the hospital late and get marked up for that. Bad marks are no good, nor is it professional. I've been working on getting to bed around 9 Oklahoma time. Needless to say, I have a half an hour until my bed time, yes, I've made myself a bedtime.

Like I said, not much else to say. Glad to hear from Mom and Dad and am pumped to skype with them upon their return adventure.

I miss everyone. Things are getting easier though, more bearable. The blessed routine I've been waiting for.

$3.54 for a gallon of skim milk is ridiculous, by the way.

Our Drive Down

Apartment Living

Youtube

Don't forget that I'll be posting videos on my youtube channel as I get them uploaded

The Email

I sent an email to Dad today to fill him and Mom in on what went down my first day. Their phone card isn't working so they borrowed someone else's and were not able to talk for more than a few minutes.

Here is the email I sent him.

Hi Dad,

I'm sure you can pass on this word to Mom and the little brother [if he cares to know] as well.

Monday morning started off badly. I ended up spilling water, thankfully only water, all over the floor as I was putting my crock pot ingredients in to cook for the day. I forgot my towel, underwear, and to turn on the fan in the bathroom. My school cross, which I like to wear when I'm feeling a little nervous got tangled with all my other necklaces and couldn't be worn.

I had to arrive my first day at the hospital on Monday at 8 am. I decided to leave ten minutes early just in case. I did in fact arrive with ten minutes to spare but everyone and their brother was arriving at the same time. I waiting in line to show my ID for 15 minutes and got upstairs to the Nutrition and Food Services area ten minutes late. Great for a good first impression. However, I did not get reprimanded because he was not there, in fact his door was locked. Seeing that I looked like a small lost child someone assumed I was the new student and told me to wait on him while he was in a meeting.

For the majority of the day I read over policies and working positions in the kitchen. It was painstakingly boring. After I finished I got to meet some of the supervisors. I went up to get my fingerprints taken, car pass, and ID badge then go home a little early.

The fingerprints lady at HR was not there so I had to return later on. I did finally get my car pass but did not know where the parking lot was, nor how to use the shuttle to get there, nor was I pumped about learning you have to arrive 20 minutes before your scheduled time to get a shuttle on time [its a block over and not in the best part of town as you saw]. I still have yet to get in touch with the ID person to get my badge. He is not in his office and I have returned several times, left messages, and called multiple numbers.

As I was leaving I checked my phone and saw your text. I was texting back when I got a phone call from the apartment complex saying I still had $25 I owed [for every cosigner you need a $25 application fee]. Of course I told her I did not remember being informed about that.

After I hung up with her I figured I'd text you back after I got in the car [I forgot you were in the same time zone as me, I figured you'd already left by then]. Because I was in a hurry to get in the building I couldn't remember if I had locked the car and we ALL know how I am about that. So when I couldn't find my car between the two trucks I SWEAR I parked between I started crying in the middle of the parking lot. I thought someone had stolen my car. Of course I finally found my car a row over. When I sat down to text you you sent a message that you were boarding. That was the last straw, I started sobbing as I drove to find the employee parking and called you to tell you about my day.

So on the way back I got kind of lost, thankfully had the GPS, got into a scary part of town and managed to cut someone off. Took the wrong exit, had to get back on the highway and off again. To make matters worse I thought I had a flat tire because the noises I was hearing. The roads are not smooth. Mixed with the insane drivers and terrible road conditions I had had enough when I got back to the apartment.

Of course, I called Irv and she didn't answer. She called back later on. Navin texted me and I ended up crying to him on the phone instead. Oh, and my internet stopped working for a half hour, my wireless didn't even show up as an option but miraculously came back on. I don't know how long I spent trying to fix it. I was just getting ready to unplug it and replug things when it started working.

It wasn't that it was so horrible it was just the culmination of things and the overwhelming sense of work ahead and homesickness...and knowing I couldn't call you guys to vent.

Yesterday and today were ok. Much like a lost puppy I follow people around, give them lots of "tail wags" and smiles in hopes that they help me out. People [for the most part] have been very friendly and I feel more comfortable in asking the millions of questions I need/want to ask. There's probably 20ish staff members. Only two of them can pronounce my name right, what with their accent and my unusual name to them.

I'm exhausted already. Getting up so early [4 is still the middle of the night] is difficult. Going to bed so early is still foreign to me, I've been not napping to fix that. The time home, after work and class, has flown by. The times during work and class crawl. I know I'll be very ready to finish up and graduate come December. Looking much past tomorrow is scary though, so I don't. I'm dreading clinicals.

I think I'm going to two of the other girls' apartment on Friday to eat with another intern, get to know each other and the like.

I had to pay $7 in parking pass after class yesterday. I was two minutes after the deadline where I'd only have to pay $5. I also had a blond moment going in and forgot to hit the button to get the ticket. The guy at the window had to get out and show me and there was a line of cars behind me.

In short[ish], this week has been challenging. Good and bad. I miss you guys dearly. I wish I had the dog here with me to snuggle. I dreamed that I hadn't left yet which is sad to wake up from and haven't been sleeping well, I'm afraid I'll miss my alarm [I wake up probably 6 times a night since I've been home]. It's still not my bed either, not that it isn't comfortable. I'm scared to grow up and get a real job and have no idea what I want to do. I'm already excited about coming home in June for the graduation and time off and then December's graduation. I know I should be savoring this but things taste pretty bitter at the moment. Growing up is hard.

I love you so VERY VERY VERY much. Just hearing your voice and Mom's on the phone made me cry I was so happy.

Love you.

--- On Wed, 1/13/10, Dad wrote:

Hello my daughter.
Love you

Calm Before...

Tomorrow is my first day, an orientation for my management rotation. [No intention for rhyming] I'll be meeting the people I'll be working with in my management rotation tomorrow and getting the necessary things in order, computer access, parking pass, ID badge. I'm excited and a little nervous, I'll be more nervous when I start my clinical rotations. I don't think that is the direction I was meant to go with my degree.

My management rotation should consist of diet planning, and learning all the rotations in the kitchen. From how I see it now, it reminds me of working at the nursing home/hospital like I did those few summers back. I think I'll feel most comfortable in the management rotation for that reason alone. Clinical, like I stated before, is what scares me the most. Clinical is all about the details and I am NOT in any way shape or form a details sort of person. You could put me in the Big Picture category. Anyway, I have to be in tomorrow at eight, which means I'll be getting up early to make sure I eat a good breakfast, get ready in time, and get there before the traffic hits the highway.

In other news, my beloved parents and baby brother are heading across the pond for awhile and I am JEALOUS. I'll be anxious to see pictures and hear about the trip when they return in the latter part of the month.

Besides that, I have been to Target four times in the past seven days. Today I bought a hot/cold pad, cheese, hot sauce, and soy sauce. Can you get more random than that? You can't even make a complete meal out of that! I was going to buy bacon crumbles but considering I'll have to wait another month before my loans arrive, I'm going to keep things to the bare minimum until then. Stretching that dollar in these economic times, you know, that old chestnut.

Oh, and thank heavens it is warmer today than it has been all week, forty-four. Praise Jesus. I was actually happy to leave the apartment and park in the back of Target to get some sun on the walk in.

More late.

SYLYB.

Sparing the Details

My boxes are unloaded, my classes are paid for, everything, it would seem is in order. Mom and Dad left on Friday morning right before my orientation. There was a hasty goodbye session as I had to quickly head back to school for my orientation. If you're wondering, I arrived at 8:59; the orientation started at 9. It was a stressful week and safe to say I was not on my best behavior [frustrating week, and I'll spare you the details]. However, I am so thankful for Mom and Dad's assistance this past week and all the things they did for me and bought [there is always something you forget, no matter how well prepared]. I'll never be able to repay them for all they did.

As far as work and school go, I'll be busy and hopefully the experience should be a very good one. I'm hopeful everything will suit me well as far as my locations. I'm also hopeful that I'm safe and sound in the months to follow. I'm assuming everyone else does as well.

So there were somethings that went wrong but overall I'm all set. I'll add a video as soon as I get it up on the internet, along with the other videos I took on the trip down here.

Safe to say, I'm home sick already. The weather is not helping [it was colder here yesterday than Anchorage, according to the weather channel]. I even miss Sophie and her squirrel addiction. I'll just have to look forward to the plans ahead of me. This time next year, I'll be planning another new adventure, no matter how scary.

Miss you. Love you. Bye.

Missouri

It's funny what you miss when you fly somewhere. I do not like to complain about airplane rides because they get you somewhere so much faster than car can take you. However, I was able to see the arch in St. Louis and the scenery all along the way. Because of an accident we also drove through a sleeper of a town, Waynesville, Missouri. We would have missed it had we been able to continue down the highway.

The majority of the trip was sunny with blue skies. Things did not get rough until after the sun went down when the snow started to accumulate. Lucky for us the accumulation didn't touch the highways [yet] and we arrived surprised at the hotel to find four inches of snow at our feet.

Despite a few bumps along the way [what else do you get from moving across the country during the winter?] we arrived in Missouri, near Springfield to finish up our first part of the journey. A shorter drive to follow tomorrow.

Big Day

I am calm. My soul is peaceful. All of my angst has passed for the coming of this trip. The preparations are done and I am on my way in eight hours.

Don't get me wrong, I'm anxious about many things this coming year but right now my emotions have been put on hold. I am not sad, I am not scared, I am not tearful. I've managed to put myself on autopilot to get business done [except for getting CPR certified, oops, there's still time right?]. I cannot make that statement without say that yesterday I wanted nothing more than to put off the entire thing....what a wonder prayer can do.

I've made a road trip mix and my beloved Hannah and her roommate Dani have made me two CDs to keep my company; a mix I am sure will be full of variety.

I have seen all my close friends and family and given [and received] lingering goodbye hugs. I am loved to say the least.

One thing's for certain, I'll be happy when I see you all at home again. And on that note, Carol King's Home Again



Miss you. Love you. Bye.

Packing

Counting down the days has suddenly become counting down the hours. It's officially 2010 and that means I'm leaving for Oklahoma very soon.

I've been avoiding packing and now there is not much time to avoid it any longer. I have the dining room crowded with things and my bedroom is a disaster area. If I just put it off a little longer the day will never arrive because I'm not ready for it so it cannot be ready for me. Lousy thought process, but still something I somehow rationalized going to college and now heading for my masters.

After we pack up the u-haul tomorrow Mom, Dad, and I leave for OKC Sunday morning.

Ready or not....I'll be on my way.

Anxiety

I woke up this morning at ten after five with an overwhelming sense of anxiety. Today is December 23rd and I will be moving in eleven days to OKC. For some reason I felt I had more time here at home, just as I'd felt I had more time these past eight months. There were plans to get a million things done. Of course, I always come up with so many plans and do not accomplish more than half of them.

Thoughts ran through my head so quickly I was unsure when I actually fell back to sleep. This is one of the last days I'll be in this bed with no worry of waking up to go to a rotation site or study for a class. I have a list of things I need to do before I move, will I have the time? I haven't even gotten a loan in order because I'm waiting on the Financial Aid to process a paper I sent them. Is this really the direction I want to go in my life? Needless to say, I was letting the scariness of it all take over the fact that no matter what will happen I know the Big Guy's got my back.

That is easier said than done though, I like to have things all mapped out when it comes to the important stuff in my life. Since graduation, however, I have learned that nothing ever goes as planned. The plans we set out for ourselves do not have to match up with those that are planned for us. We must learn to cope with that in one way or another. There is no use in fighting what is meant to be; to be an easier and more enjoyable journey it does take faith and trust.

Stress and worry filled my next four hours of sleep with unpleasant tossing and turning. I didn't even try to get up and go swimming. Who can blame me? Getting up at 6:30 to walk out to my frigid car in 15 degree weather is never exciting. The pool would have done me good though, physically burn off some of that nervousness.

It isn't that I dislike change so much, I think I adjust well to it but it is just that first step. If you know me well enough you know one of my motto's is "Nothing to it but to do it." I say that mostly because I need to hear it more often than give it out as advice; once you get started things fall into place as a routine develops. I'm just waiting for that first worst part, the newness of it all to start.

"Worry is a misuse of the imagination." And I have a big imagination. I also fancy myself not much of a worrier. If only that were more fact than fiction.

Christmas Season

It's not easy preparing for a major move near the holiday season.

I'm the kind of person that gets super excited about doing projects. I'm also the kind of person that has to do them when they're fresh in my mind or they fall fast. I've gotten a lot of things accomplished that way, a take charge attitude that fizzles fast enough to "relax mode." I suppose that's my personality though. I want to make these new cookies NOW! And I'm going to make three different kinds and double the recipe so we can send them out to loved ones. Oh, and I want to make that party mix and decorate the house, and the tree, and put up the nativity scene.

Unfortunately this year, as I stated earlier, I'm also going to be moving shortly after the new year which puts a damper on the holiday season. In preparation for the move I've been checking out decorating books from the library, getting ideas and coming up with game plans. Those ideas and game plans turn into more projects I want to get done. As my mother so lovingly put it today, her when are you going to do this question stopped me in my tracks. I don't know, I don't have the time. It's approaching quicker than I expected!

I've been working through all the boring logistics since the trip back home, getting my things in order and working on a loan. That's the big problem with growing up, responsibility is a real downer. It's even harder when you still feel like a five year old. Baby steps....baby steps.

In the meantime, beyond the boring stuff, I've been working to visit as many friends as I can before I leave for the year. I've included a picture of a friend of mine that I saw this week [as you can see at the top of this blog].

If I don't post before then, for those of you who read this, I hope you have a most Merry Christmas and a splendid start of 2010!

More to come... as usual.

Where the Wind...

Oklahoma, where the wind come sweeping down the plains...and something about the waving wheat blows soft and sweet.

Unfortunately, it is December and most places in all their glory must be seen during the spring or summer. Being that everything is dead the landscape is not only flat but entirely too brown, reddish brown [from all the clay in the soil]. I have noticed however than unlike many places, NYC or Chicago, the Oklahoma City metropolitan area has no reason not to spread out; there is plenty of land to be plotted and little need for skyscrapers. Instead the sky looks wide because not a thing blocks the view. Also, the above song is unfortunately just as true now as it was back in the 50's when the musical came out. The wind comes sweeping, or whipping [however you'd like to put it]. Nothing to stand in the way, no hills to slow it and no trees to break it, alright, so a few.

So everything is in order [not without a few bumps along the way of course], my classes are scheduled, my UCO ID made, my apartment has been signed for, and my banking account has been opened. I even found a good church to attend while I am here. All that is left is to get a few other details in order and wait until orientation day to begin this busy journey in the year 2010.

Until then, logistics are taken care of and again it is just a waiting game. Unfortunately for this post I took no pictures. As I have not seen anything remarkably beautiful yet [thanks to the hand of death from the winter months] I will put up pictures when there is something nice to be looked at, like green grass or blue skies.

And for my beloved family and close friends reading this: SYLYB

Just Visiting

I guess I'm ready as I'll ever be. Step 1 in the move to OKC to begin early tomorrow morning, like 4 a.m early. Going down for a few days to get all the little things taken care of to make this as smooth a transition as possible. Step 2 will begin soon enough with a truck and my beloved parents to help me unpack and wish me well.

Got all my things packed up for the trip, got the addresses of places I need to visit and things I need to accomplish... I cannot believe I'm moving to Oklahoma!

Deep breath in, I'm on my way.

More later when I get back, hopefully with some good pictures too!

Moving On

SUCCESS::

Today I accomplished two very vital things in my preparation toward OKC

1. I sent in my FAFSA
2. I got blood drawn [for the immunization records - required for health care workers] without getting light headed.

Yeah, I guess that's how it has been since I graduated, little things become big accomplishments. I've gotten myself very accustomed to just being me. In fact, I have perfected the art of simply being and basking in all of God's glory. One day during the summer I stared up at a tree for an hour. I had no wild thoughts racing through my head, no tasks that I had to rush to complete. I think people get so caught up in what has to get done that we fail to notice all the precious time we waste by being numb to the qualities of simply living, simply being.

Of course, my time of relaxation and savoring will be coming to a close after the Christmas holiday has ended. The New Year will be here and this time, as opposed to most other times, I will welcome it with open arms because I know that 2010 will be a year of new adventures and fresh starts, no matter how scary and life altering.

I'm moving on, I'm packing up my things once again and driving somewhere I've never been. I'm starting fresh, meeting new people, learning new things. My time [for now at least] to be here at home with my beloved family is coming to a close. This adventure is going to be all mine, an adventure of more growth. While I do not always welcome change because I savor present things and grow comfortable in the world I surround myself with I know remaining here longer is not serving the greater plan that awaits me. To be stagnant is never an option, we must always learn and grow and change. I'm pretty sure I should say that to myself in the mirror more often than I think it.

So I guess it is time to put on a brave face and be a big girl...or fake it 'til I make it. What am I kidding, I'll never grow up, I'll just age.

Beginning

Hello all-

I had every intention of creating a video blog aka vlog on youtube to post all the happenings of my life while in Oklahoma City, but alas, I have yet to choose a camcorder I like, one with a reasonable price for a budget I do not have.

I'm hoping to get something on here once a week once I get in the swing of things, however I am not making promises. I always seem to start out things so well only to find them crashing and burning. That would explain why when I want to do things I want to complete them then and there; something I am sure my mother finds completely aggravating.

Anyway, as most of you know [and why wouldn't you if you are reading this] I am heading to Oklahoma for my internship/masters during 2010. It was one of my higher choices [out of the 8 locations I applied for with the America Dietetic Association] being that it was inexpensive, a masters in a year, and a completely different adventure than any I'd undergone on my own.

At the moment I am researching apartments, getting my FAFSA and graduate loans in order, buying everything I didn't need to get while living in dorms all four years at college, and freaking out over the mass amount of stuff I will be doing without a single family member in a 14 hour radius, and praying that I'll be heading in the right direction with my life.

As of December 5th, Dad and I will be heading to OKC to get things started and return on December 8th [hopefully with everything on my list done].

My orientation is on January 8th and my first day of rotations starts on January 11th. [FREAK OUT the night before]. Since my lovely family will be out of town for some time during the month of January I will begin this adventure very scared and very alone. In the meantime I keep telling myself this is an awfully big adventure, one that I will be proud to have taken come January of 2011. Where I'll be then, no ones knows. One step at a time is all I can think to keep myself calm.

More later...