Anxiety

I woke up this morning at ten after five with an overwhelming sense of anxiety. Today is December 23rd and I will be moving in eleven days to OKC. For some reason I felt I had more time here at home, just as I'd felt I had more time these past eight months. There were plans to get a million things done. Of course, I always come up with so many plans and do not accomplish more than half of them.

Thoughts ran through my head so quickly I was unsure when I actually fell back to sleep. This is one of the last days I'll be in this bed with no worry of waking up to go to a rotation site or study for a class. I have a list of things I need to do before I move, will I have the time? I haven't even gotten a loan in order because I'm waiting on the Financial Aid to process a paper I sent them. Is this really the direction I want to go in my life? Needless to say, I was letting the scariness of it all take over the fact that no matter what will happen I know the Big Guy's got my back.

That is easier said than done though, I like to have things all mapped out when it comes to the important stuff in my life. Since graduation, however, I have learned that nothing ever goes as planned. The plans we set out for ourselves do not have to match up with those that are planned for us. We must learn to cope with that in one way or another. There is no use in fighting what is meant to be; to be an easier and more enjoyable journey it does take faith and trust.

Stress and worry filled my next four hours of sleep with unpleasant tossing and turning. I didn't even try to get up and go swimming. Who can blame me? Getting up at 6:30 to walk out to my frigid car in 15 degree weather is never exciting. The pool would have done me good though, physically burn off some of that nervousness.

It isn't that I dislike change so much, I think I adjust well to it but it is just that first step. If you know me well enough you know one of my motto's is "Nothing to it but to do it." I say that mostly because I need to hear it more often than give it out as advice; once you get started things fall into place as a routine develops. I'm just waiting for that first worst part, the newness of it all to start.

"Worry is a misuse of the imagination." And I have a big imagination. I also fancy myself not much of a worrier. If only that were more fact than fiction.