I've finished my second week, thankfully it went much quicker than the first. If the days speed by like this for the rest of the year I will be a seasoned new professional by next January.
It's funny though, here I am working towards this great goal: get my masters, pass the RD exam, and become a professional, and yet I am still unsure what I want to do, if this is the right path [that is what the internship is all about though, learning]. Had you told me in high school that I would become a dietitian, that I would study lots of sciences and move to a different state to gain experience I need to further my career I would have laughed. Well, first I would have ignored it because looking back, that is just plain silly.
I guess I kind of happened to fall into this. Like many other things [call it what you will, destiny, coincidence, God's plan in action] I have been very blessed and charmed for things to work in my favor. Until the day I found out I did not get matched in April I cruised through things mostly without any road blocks. It was never that I simply didn't try, I worked hard for my good grades, for the things that I accomplished, but I never tasted defeat like I had shortly before graduation. So the path sort of cleared itself for me as I went through the college application process, the years there, and eventually to Oklahoma.
Many days this past week I have been leaving to head to work in a dense fog [5 a.m]. You cannot see much ahead of you and very little behind you as well. Street lights are hovering orbs of light. Cars are sparse on the highway and city streets. When you look out ahead of you in the distance there isn't much to tell, it's a blank canvas, gray and white swirling together to give you no glimpse of the road ahead, no opportunity to prepare for what is possibly in store. As I was driving through the fog however things began to form shapes, road signs became clear, and cars took shape.
I'm a big picture kind of girl, I think I've said that before, but it bears repeating. I look at the big picture to plan out the road map for life, just a general outline. If you over-prepare but expect to be flexible you are set any way the road turns. However, I'm also stubborn, and once I set my mind to something it is hard to get it out of my head, a persistent "bull dog" as my father lovingly puts it. I was set on my plans going my way. Boy was I wrong. In the past year I have found that the big picture can be extremely scary, it is unknown and fogged over. I am, in fact, not seeing the big picture as the Big Guy already has seen. So, going with what's right there in front of me, preparing as best for it, and working with obstacles as they come is essential.
So I'm in a fog, figuratively, metaphorically, and many mornings, literally. I'm working on letting God handle the hassle and the plans He has for me. I'm working on it. I'm not all the way there yet, but I am continuing to let Him take over. My plans are nothing compared to what is yet in store. I'm still young, I've much to do, much to give to others, and much to learn. I want to get the most out of the excitement that awaits me in the fog and I know that if I'm smart and make good decisions I will survive.
Who knows where I'll be in a few years, who knows what 2010 will have in store for me. All I know is that I'm going to follow the path as it presents itself with a clear head. If I end up on another scary adventure then so be it, another opportunity for growth and learning. My life is potential and possibility. I've no things to tie me down so the adventure is really the unknown.
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