DAN

No excuses, it's been awhile....moving on...

I find that I am my own self-help book. I am constantly working toward bettering myself. As we all know, change does not necessarily equate to progress and what I'm going for is strict progress. For a positive life journey there is something very important that I am not always the greatest at: being productive and proactive. I am not always the most decisive [I already know this...so does everyone else], I am very indecisive about things that I don't care about....and that means I go with the flow. When it comes to things that matter I am as stubborn as a mule and my mind cannot be changed. That being said I have implemented a few key words/phrases into my continuously evolving "Mantra"

1. Do the next thing.
2. Surrender [as in to God's plan].
3. Decisive Action Now [DAN].

So, I got home after work, had a snack, started laundry, and am preparing to work out. Productivity at it's best.

So I'm trying to get myself in better shape so that I can climb a mountain and not be super sore. Got my measurements, took my "before" pictures and I am ready. More later....Operation Inca in progress.

Patience in the Plan

Soakin' Up the Sun

Cousins

The problem with patience is that you need it when you have none, and it seems when you have plenty, you are never in need of it. Of course, knowing that time is relative, Einstein's theory, etc etc explains all that.

I have been trying to succumb to the fact that this place I am in currently is a necessary waiting period for the next step. Everything in due time, all the appropriateness of an unfolding rosebud in the morning sun. Steps of course, are scary, changes are challenging, and new beginnings are never as easy as endings, which are all too often bittersweet.

LP & Me

I'm not trying to be extremely picky, but I'm not settling for work simply to change my pace or my geography. Change isn't always progress after all. But what I do know, is that I am meant for more than these four walls, more than this town, more than what currently 'is.'

Patience self, and in the meantime, just do the next thing. Take the next step and trust that the map is unfolding as the journey continues on.

Mustache you a question...

I can't be the only one dealing with this, in fact, I know I am not from the several conversations I have sitting on the phone agonizing over the frustrations of our young lives. We've all taken different paths, and yet, we're all in similar boats. We've all hit different stages with different challenges. I have the friends without significant others to married moms, friends between jobs, in jobs they love or hate, friends in house, apartments, living with their parents. I am in extremely good company it would seem. It is the age of uncertainty, the age where when nothing is certain everything is possible....and scary, and awesome. Just breathe, just wait, enjoy the ride.

In other news, I have been busy with work [full time, with benefits].
* I have paid off my grad loans [in exactly one year].
* I went to SOUTHERN Florida for family vacation.
* I went to the OSU opening game.
* I've done some serious job hunting.

Pre-Game

Until next time...sylyb

Chicago Half

Hannah and I had a conversation about dating over the weekend. Funny how we never run out of things to talk about after all these years. Anyway, on to the point of this post.

What is the deal with the stigma surrounding 'dating around.' I don't mean hooking up, I literally mean dating around. I mean getting to know members of the opposite sex. I mean taking a test drive on compatibility, outside of the distractions of other people, where harmless flirting is encouraged and witty conversation abounds. Without knowing all sorts of different people, you wind up choosing someone you click with well enough. But I don't just want someone I tolerate well enough. And maybe that's the romantic in me. Maybe I like the idea of knowing all different types of people so I know what's truly the best match for me. I don't want to be that divorce statistic. And I deserve to take my time.

Finding a mate is on my to-do list, but not just yet. Times have changed and what was once conventional timing to meet and marry is now far too young. I didn't end up with my high school or college boyfriend. But I'm also not the same person I was in high school or college. It's really impressive to see people last when those years are such huge ones in finding yourself. I congratulate them, but I'm not one of them. I'll likely not make it to 60+ years like my grandparents because I didn't get married at 20. I have so many adventures to have as "just Mara" before settling in the suburbs with my mortgage and mom-van [although, I could do without the mom-van entirely].

Looking especially B.A with Nicholas & Nathan

Dear future husband, I'm really excited to meet you, but right now my life is very out of order. Let me tie up a few loose ends first...and get the hell out of Springfield.

In other news:

Had a great time watching/supporting Hannah for her half marathon in Chicago. Got too spend some times with my older brothers and made a few new friends. All in all it was such a good weekend I slept for 11 hours after I got home. And we KNOW I need my sleep.

Ate so many kcals this weekend I haven't been hungry all day and I exercised already [my mitochondria were wondering what was going on without much movement over the weekend. Is that too nerdy to say?].

My new Chicago family

Things I've Learned About Myself

It takes a long time to develop who you are as a person [it is, after all, an always evolving process]. Sometimes it is an even longer time to be able to look at yourself and see yourself from an objective eye. It takes moments of hardship, times of great change, and difficult decisions to see the stuff that you're made of.

Was it "The Girl Next Door" that said, is the juice worth the squeeze? Well, you do need to know what you're working with, what you've got to offer, to know where you need to improve and how you can make yourself better on this life journey.

There are things that I can honestly say I would never have guessed about myself if the problems that arose on my life journey did not present themselves. Yes I would be a little less worn, but as the saying goes, easy seas do no make a tough sailor....or something along those lines.

1. I am strong & independent. Yes, I do rely heavily on my family but I know that if I had to move to say, Oklahoma, for a year I could without a doubt not only survive but flourish. Oh, wait! I've already done that.

2A. It takes me a long time to fall in love/trust/accept someone without reservation. I can't say that it's the past relationships that I've been involved in...I can't actually pinpoint it. What I do know is that when you're in, you're a lifer, when I'm only lukewarm, it might just stay that way.
2B. Do not cross the people I consider to be essential to me [my lifers], because although I love only a few without reservation, I love them with a passion you cannot match. It's very much a, "Don't tell me a momma joke," because you will go down. 

3. I truly believe time heals most wounds. People die and their places they've kept in your heart can't be filled by some other hobby or person, they're not supposed to be; individuals are unique and the role they play in your life is as such. That being said, everyone can move on. You have the courage, the gumption, and the willpower to say, "Yes, that hurt, but it can only keep me down for so long."

4. Sadness really does make happiness all the more worthwhile. I've had some low moments in my life, but if I hadn't dedicated time to allowing myself to be sad/dejected/hurt/betrayed I would not have come out stronger, I would not have found a more fulfilling happiness.

5. I am not, nor will I ever be a control freak. I don't want control. Why do you think I pray so hard to God for guidance? He's got the paperwork in order, He already paid for the warranty on my soul, on His plan for me. Why go jumbling the plans? Hindsight is 20/20 I guess and I don't have the best vision.

6. I do everything on my own time, at my own pace, in my own way. And if you push it too hard when I'm not ready I will resist that much more. This counts from the very trivial to my very essence. eg. I hated turtlenecks [much to my mother's chagrin] until I didn't, and I didn't wear turtlenecks until the minute I started liking them.

7. It doesn't matter how often I have to get up early in the morning I will NEVER be a morning person and I will not resort to caffeine. We don't need to see my hyper. Even tempered Mara is so much better [and energetic enough].

8. I am much better with the written word than face to face, even more eloquent. I think the gift of gab went to my fingers twice when I kissed the Blarney stone.

9.  I march to my own drum [for sure] and I am un-apologetically myself. My mother calls me a free spirit, sounds pretty good to me. I play like a 5 year old, look like a 17 year old, and bake like an 85 year old. I wear aprons when I cook, avoid combing my hair, and live with my head in the clouds.

10. I love sweating a lot when I exercise. It feels like I've accomplished that much more and helps me to really earn the shower. Using these muscles, maintaining this body so it can keep me running. Don't want to abuse my only vehicle in life.

Whoah Baby

Celebrating Father's Day with Dad Bro No1&3 and nephew

For shame!

I got on and realized it has been absolute AGES since I posted anything.

You know the monotony of work, and I guess sometimes it's easier to NOT post about something boring than to try and find the value of yet another beautiful day and discuss it here.

So the low down on what I've been doing these past several months, and I don't think they're going to be in any particular order:

Went to/was in Britt's wedding in the DC area, very lovely weekend and I was so happy to get to spend some quality time with her. It's always hard to arrange time to talk and near impossible to visit so this was just a fantastic Memorial Day weekend wedding celebration. Congratulations Brittany and Rob :)

Obsessively watching Olympic Trials because I love all things Olympics and America, duh [I'm pretty sure I've mentioned how much I love Independence Day]! I won't pretend, swimming is my favorite thing to watch, probably because I really enjoy swimming....it's all we'll have on the TV for those weeks in July/August.

Went to the shooting range with Dad and Nathan and shot an actual gun [not an air rifle, not a bb gun, a real life GUN]...had one of those girly moments where I was so proud of myself having shot with so much power in my hands that I swung around and smiled at Nathan. The gun was facing down, but it was hot. Thank goodness I didn't shoot my someone's foot! What a ditz! I did get a bulls-eye with my first magazine as well. Pretty pleased!

Continuing my quest for a healthy physique and decreased body fat percentage. I've started to really notice the difference in my arms and calf muscles, if I keep it up I may be too hot to handle [HA!] when we go to Florida for vacation.

Still doing my Spanish/Rosetta Stone, gotta say it's hard to balance with everything else. If I'm going to have a life, help fix dinner, and exercise Spanish can sometimes take the back burner....slowly working on it. Spain is still the ultimate goal.

Had a wicked storm this weekend and our neighbor's tree fell, among several other branches and power outages. Thank you Jesus we didn't have any issues. Crazy wind!!!

Hopefully going to get switched over to full time at the hospital, although I will admit, the longer they put it off the more irritated with them I get. I've been there 16 months working full time without benefits, isn't that reason enough to hire me on? I'm sorry, but sometimes all I can think is "B*** S***" I'm being used as cheap labor because they can and I haven't left yet.

So figuring out my next life step is not coming so easy. I've been pretty comfortable in my own happy little safe zone, but I know if I want to grow more as a person I'm going to have to really step it up and do something, just jump out of the comfort zone and dive in. I had read a quote somewhere that said "When nothing is sure, everything is possible" and I've decided I really like that positive spin on things. Just got to get the gumption to be like Nike and just do it.

Have been loving the hot hot hot temperatures, probably makes me sound crazy but whatever, I'm pretty sure I was made to love in warmer conditions. Get cold far too easily to like the winter weather months, although snuggling up with blankets and sweatshirts is nice I'd much rather live in a bathing suit or sun dress.

In other news? No, that's just going to be it.

Hope you all have a good one. Celebrate July 4th right with family, friends, good food and lots of pyrotechnics!

Daughters and Sons

Source: Uploaded by user via Mara on Pinterest

Kony 2012

Make him famous, get the word out. Make your voice heard. Any army of small voices is an army that makes a difference.

http://www.invisiblechildren.com/donate

Perspective

I don't enjoy getting up in the morning. I don't drink coffee and I'm not much of a morning person, but I am required to show up to work ready to start my day at 7 a.m. Early, I know...trust me, ha. So to save time and spare my skin during these winter months I'll occasionally just wash my hair in the tub so I don't have to get up quite as early [or that's what I've resorted to BECAUSE I don't get up as early].

Anyway, there I was earlier this week washing my hair as usual when I started looking around the bathroom behind me, with the blood rushing to my head as it hung soapy upside down. The bathroom looked different. Yes, it was exactly the same, everything was where it normally sat, but it was also different.

And that's the thing about life. It's remarkable really. If you only change your perspective on it, what once looked "blah", now looks a little different. I started out literal, but it brought me to the conclusion that if you want to be happy, truly happy and you're in a situation that has been "blah" for what seems like ages, maybe what you should be changing is not the situation but your view of it. And in flopping your view of the situation you will in turn alter the situation itself.

Strong words for something as simple as a quick hair scrub in the tub, but just a thought for your Saturday.

sylyb.

Not Exotic

Sometimes I wish I looked more exotic. You know, dark and mysterious. Grass is always greener right? I'm as far from exotic looking as you can get. German+Irish=Me

Yeah, I look as far from exotic as you can get. So much so that I get the old "I think I know you...I recognize you...we've met before" line by a random smattering of people. And no, not in the "you come here often" sense.  But maybe that means I look comforting, maybe that means I look like someone you'd like to become friends with, who knows? I'll take that as my consolation prize. Besides, I really really love my blue eyes.

Dirty dishwater blond hair, blue eyes, square face. Average height, average build. But I am me. I have my paternal grandmother's jaw, my maternal grandfather's eyes. I am the product of two people, a culmination of their personalities...with several additions of my own.

So I don't look exotic, but I've got a lot going for me...which is nice ;)

You Never Fall In Love the Same Way Twice

I love "love" and I'm a hopeless romantic. Jane Austen. Poetry. Grand gestures, quiet moments. I want it all. I want the passion, a playmate/partner in crime, a friend for life. I could go on and on...So in honor of the ever approaching St. Valentine's Day:

I read somewhere that you can never love the same way twice. These are very heavy words to process. You could take it that
1. A great love you had, one that you look back on and say to yourself "Man, if only I could have that again..." Or
2. A love you're happy to leave in the deep recesses of your memory banks "Thank goodness I learned my lessons from that and it is behind me."

The way I see it, having not been in a relationship for some time [and I'm content with that, I've got a lot of me to figure out still without attaching a "plus one" to the mix just yet] love shouldn't be the same way twice. You're not the same person with every single one of your friends, there's a different dynamic with your different relationships. Why should something as important as love be any different? I think love is not supposed to be the same. Love is too extensive, cannot be contained, and should not be attempted to be put on repeat. Don't read over the previous chapter and don't try and skip ahead. Begin the next chapter instead and read it page by page. This is life, and love is what makes it bearable.

You can wish all you want for what you had, or the what-ifs, or the bits of how things were before, but that's looking behind you for something that is yet to be discovered. Trust that the love you will have will be better than the loves you've experienced so far. Trust.

Trust, this word keeps ringing out clear to me in my prayers. Like a good wine, [or cheese or any other food metaphor you like with aging] or the scar on my foot from my trip to Mexico...they all require lots of time to be made into their best form, perfect. Good things worth waiting for are full bodied, and matured to perfection for that moment where it's all supposed to culminate, when the scar is so faded you forget you even were hurt in the first place.

And that's love, you're swimming in it and once overcome you forget about how painful it may have been to lose a love before. You trust that this love will be worth it all. And it will, in time...at just the right moment.

Have a very LOVEly Valentine's Day, all! And power to the people without a loved one this year, because you're passively preparing for the right moment when he or she will make your love story complete.

nos vemos. te quiero. adios

Swaying in the Dark

There's something really satisfying about turning on soft music in the dark and swaying to the beat...or putting on headphones on a long car ride in the late hours of the day and just closing your eyes, and disappearing [obviously, not as the driver].

You know the feeling, everything in the day - good, bad, or otherwise, just melts away and you're lost in the music. You're lost in the mood it evokes, and for that short while you forget everything around you.

I find that Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon is an excellent album to get lost in, but I'm also fond of the somewhat moody Amos Lee, Ray Lamontagne, and Griffin House.

I think it's the perfect simplicity of the words in combination with the intensity in the way it's sung: heartwrenching, heartbreaking, honest. I don't know, but I like it....especially after a rather stressful day.

The problem with technology comes when it stops working. It's hard to do your job when you rely so heavily on something that decided to just quit working today. Yep, our charting system on the computers were down today. And to top it off, they rearranged the way in which we chart our evaluations and plans. I realize this means almost nothing to those of you who don't know what I have to do during the day, but trust me, it's a big old pain in the butt. So instead of having a nice low key Friday [which I tried to ensure yesterday but working a little longer and a little harder] I ended up not being able to look up or chart on any of my patients until two hours before I was supposed to leave.

Needless to say, I'm sitting in the dark listening to above mentioned men...just letting the 40+ hour work week drift off with the setting sun.

Happy Friday all, next week is already February!!! Time flies.

Una Tienda de Campana Pequena

I wish I could learn a new language via osmosis....or hear it in my sleep and wake up more fluent. I realize it's been less than a month but I'm worried I'm not going to remember what I've already learned. I fear that I'm going to wake up more stupid. If only I had learned earlier, or was bilingual to start...life would have been so much easier! And to top it all of, I feel like a weather reporter...you know you're on site of a tropical storm and there is the split screen of the people in the studio too. It always takes the reporter a solid few seconds to respond because there's lag time.........oh yeah, there's lag time all right, my neurons are firing away, a little sluggish, but firing, HA!

Giddy

I know, I know. You've heard me talk about it the last few posts, but I'm still going strong. Yay me!

I've come to several conclusions to change my life starting now. I don't know what exactly it was that sparked me to take a stand for myself and realize my journey with God starts with me. It's not in the search to help someone else [although, that too comes into play]. It starts with getting me in the right place. It starts with getting myself in neutral, in putting myself in a place where I am receptive to what He has to say and be willing to say 'yes' to that [listening skills will have to be put into play here]. And I've got a long way to go yet [yes, I realize that too]. But I have to tell you...last night I was giddy. Smiling like a school girl with big dreams giddy. Giddy with the promise of that terrifyingly wonderful word that is possibility, possibility for tomorrow and the day after that. To prepare myself I'm being proactive today, the only real and tangible piece of time I can count on.

Giddy about what you ask? I spent four hours studying my Spanish. Si, amigos. I want to become fluent in the language. Not just so I can travel, not just so I can open up doors in my career, but to better myself, to make myself a more well rounded individual. And to think, all I needed was a friend to pose the innocent question "If you had the opportunity to learn it, why didn't you?" Because I did have the means and the time to do it and instead I sat at home like a lazy American...Ouch, sometimes the truth is bitter coming out. But, at least I have no pride. And at least I'm doing something about it now. I can't fix not doing it two and a half years ago but I won't regret having started this year.

Secondly, I want to get my body to the place I want it to be [yep, I took my anthropometric measurements on January 2nd]. Not so I can have an enviable body but so I feel confident in myself, and more importantly so I can show God through action I am grateful for the gift of movement and life. Not all people are so fortunate, and some of life's greatest pleasures require only our bodies, running through grass, snow angels in the winter, hide and seek with your nephew, swimming under a waterfall by the side of the road. You get the picture. My body is not simply a vessel to house my soul and the Holy Spirit. It was created by God in His image and likeness, or so Genesis tells us at least. So I vow to walk a little taller and move a little more [even though it is killing my calf muscles right now, I know they'll be happy I set them to work...eventually].

But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him...Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. 
     -1 Corinthians 17, 19-20 NAB

I also know that to better myself I need to financially be stable. Hello IRA, monthly savings, and loan pay offs. Oh, and thanks Mom and Dad for letting me live at home while I get my stuff together [that helps A LOT].

So, yeah, big plans, exciting plans. Yes, life altering scary plans. But if I don't let go of what is stagnant, I cannot proceed with the journey ahead of me. And thank God I've come to this realization at my age, rather than being wistful and in the midst of a midlife crisis.

I am content knowing I am doing something because the little things add up. And because they add up in a big way.

Okay, I promise I will try not to continue gushing over my New Year's Resolution excitement. But I will keep you apprised of the situation. Fair enough?

Diez mil besos. sylyb.

2012

It comes whether you like it or not. It can come without warning, slipping in after the holiday rush has left you exhausted. It comes with anticipation, and occasionally usually it is anticlimactic.

As I've said before [well, maybe not on here...maybe so, I can't remember] I have never been one to be too excited about New Years. But this year? This year is going to be different. Why you ask? Because I've set my mind to making it a year worth remembering.

It seems I always tolerate the new year after it's in swing but it's letting go of the previous year. And don't get me wrong, 2011 was a fantastic year for me, but it's the start of something else. It's the beginning of another journey. And I'm excited. As I said in my previous post, I've got plans for this year, and I'm going to go into it with too high spirits to end up disappointed, and yes, I realize I have set some pretty lofty goals for myself, but I'm sure that if I put my mind to it, I can accomplish them all. Yes, maybe it'll take me a little longer than one year to accomplish everything I've set out to do but I know I can break it down. And more importantly, I know I can get it done if I put my mind to it.

Milestones and Accomplishments to Note in 2011:

• Passed Boards Exam and became an RD
• Went to Florida with the family
• Became an employed and contributing member of society as a clinical dietitian
• Had another birthday/another year older
• Payed off a good chunk of my government loans
• Witnessed births and deaths
• Went to Florida for Nathan's graduation
• Got another stamp in my passport with my biffle, Jessica. Mexico, check, check!
• Gave a pretty wonderful Christmas gift [if I do say so myself]
• Spent New Years with some of my favorite people

So I am grateful for 2011 and look forward to 2012. Get your appetite ready for another full plate of adventure in 2012! It's going to be a good one.

God bless you on your journey in 2012.