It takes a long time to develop who you are as a person [it is, after all, an always evolving process]. Sometimes it is an even longer time to be able to look at yourself and see yourself from an objective eye. It takes moments of hardship, times of great change, and difficult decisions to see the stuff that you're made of.
Was it "The Girl Next Door" that said, is the juice worth the squeeze? Well, you do need to know what you're working with, what you've got to offer, to know where you need to improve and how you can make yourself better on this life journey.
There are things that I can honestly say I would never have guessed about myself if the problems that arose on my life journey did not present themselves. Yes I would be a little less worn, but as the saying goes, easy seas do no make a tough sailor....or something along those lines.
1. I am strong & independent. Yes, I do rely heavily on my family but I know that if I had to move to say, Oklahoma, for a year I could without a doubt not only survive but flourish. Oh, wait! I've already done that.
2A. It takes me a long time to fall in love/trust/accept someone without reservation. I can't say that it's the past relationships that I've been involved in...I can't actually pinpoint it. What I do know is that when you're in, you're a lifer, when I'm only lukewarm, it might just stay that way.
2B. Do not cross the people I consider to be essential to me [my lifers], because although I love only a few without reservation, I love them with a passion you cannot match. It's very much a, "Don't tell me a momma joke," because you will go down.
3. I truly believe time heals most wounds. People die and their places they've kept in your heart can't be filled by some other hobby or person, they're not supposed to be; individuals are unique and the role they play in your life is as such. That being said, everyone can move on. You have the courage, the gumption, and the willpower to say, "Yes, that hurt, but it can only keep me down for so long."
4. Sadness really does make happiness all the more worthwhile. I've had some low moments in my life, but if I hadn't dedicated time to allowing myself to be sad/dejected/hurt/betrayed I would not have come out stronger, I would not have found a more fulfilling happiness.
5. I am not, nor will I ever be a control freak. I don't want control. Why do you think I pray so hard to God for guidance? He's got the paperwork in order, He already paid for the warranty on my soul, on His plan for me. Why go jumbling the plans? Hindsight is 20/20 I guess and I don't have the best vision.
6. I do everything on my own time, at my own pace, in my own way. And if you push it too hard when I'm not ready I will resist that much more. This counts from the very trivial to my very essence. eg. I hated turtlenecks [much to my mother's chagrin] until I didn't, and I didn't wear turtlenecks until the minute I started liking them.
7. It doesn't matter how often I have to get up early in the morning I will NEVER be a morning person and I will not resort to caffeine. We don't need to see my hyper. Even tempered Mara is so much better [and energetic enough].
8. I am much better with the written word than face to face, even more eloquent. I think the gift of gab went to my fingers twice when I kissed the Blarney stone.
9. I march to my own drum [for sure] and I am un-apologetically myself. My mother calls me a free spirit, sounds pretty good to me. I play like a 5 year old, look like a 17 year old, and bake like an 85 year old. I wear aprons when I cook, avoid combing my hair, and live with my head in the clouds.
10. I love sweating a lot when I exercise. It feels like I've accomplished that much more and helps me to really earn the shower. Using these muscles, maintaining this body so it can keep me running. Don't want to abuse my only vehicle in life.
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