Homeward Bound

3.2.07 Bluffton's Bus Accident Anniversary. This year, the youngest student that died would have graduated. After graduation, people will just see the Circle of Remembrance and think of it as something that happened a while back, back before they were there, ancient history, but it's only been three years. Three years and a million light years later...

Those are my stacks of bills sitting there on the table begging payments with money I don't have. That's my apartment key and nobody else's, I made the mess in the kitchen. That's my car sitting there in the lot and I have to scrape ice off in the morning, no garage to park. Here I sit with books and bills, with days that fly and moments that fleet.
You learn quickly the importance of savoring moments, of living life for now because it is all too precious. You learn and yet it keeps on going. Sometimes I wonder why it is we work so hard to accomplish so little in what matters most to us. You can go to work, come home, and have nothing to say at all. Life is the time you make of what's not spent making money [that necessary evil]. If I could just make it easy and live to help myself and others, if only.

If I didn't have to work, I'd probably sit in a very clean apartment baking for family and friends. I'd probably make my crafts, I'd write letters to send in the mail. Who says you have to save all that for retirement when the cataracts set in and your joints don't function so well. I want to do it now. I want to savor it all. I want an open door and possibility. And that's why I'm planning my road trip. Thank goodness I have friends that want to take the journey with me.

I watched the tail end [no pun intended] of Homeward Bound today. That moment at the end where the oldest son thinks the dog didn't make it because he's old got to me. I miss my family dearly. And I know, as does everyone, that feeling you get when something ends: a life, a relationship, a job you loved. It's when change sets in to move you on to some other adventure. It's scary, but its real life. I suppose its the little things at the end of the day that make me miss my family, ache for their company. Just seeing that family together celebrating their reunion brought tears to my eyes. I wasn't much of a crier, what HAPPENED?

Miss you. Love you. Bye