I find that with the warmer weather [which I am LOVING by the way] the last thing I want to do is sit inside and purge my thoughts. I want to be out frolicking like a five year old. Being that as it may, I decided it's probably a good idea to get something on here, considering it's slightly chilly [70s] outside and I've already taken a walk with the dog.
Having taken my trip down to Oklahoma for a double wedding weekend and having come back with the tornadoes on our heels, I feel very fortunate to be sitting where I am safe and sound. We've had crazy weather these past six months but I've welcomed it for the most part. I think I am a content sort of person. I am content in the life that I am living at this moment, not thinking seriously about what the future will bring. If I simply live in today and do the best that I can tomorrow will take care of itself. The problems will come as they do but they will be manageable. I realize that this isn't some sort of epiphany, but it has taken me some time to fully grasp. I am a girl with her head in the clouds, dreaming up what the future mild hold [only the frivolous stuff of course].
Growing up, I was always thinking about the next step; content with now but always planning. What are we going to do tomorrow, what excitement is in store? I never cared about what was already planned for tomorrow, it was the possibility of what tomorrow could bring - the excitement and uncertainty all at once. I never hurried through life, never daydreaming away the present, but I live in the mindset of goals [still do]. Finding things to keep my attention forward, to never sit stagnant in what could have been. When you combine this forward thinking with a big picture state of mind big things can be extremely daunting. Life doesn't happen in big ways, it's the slow progression of how things shape over time - details.
It's the walk you're taking where all you can see it how far away the top of the hill seems. It's maybe getting side tracked thinking about what's ahead that you don't notice the wildflowers near the creek or the smell of honeysuckle in the air. Wait, there was a creek?
Having had some roadblocks on the path I am on today has shown me that big pictures are great for long term, but in my day to day, keeping sane requires a step by step approach. And yes, I realize I've mentioned this before in a previous post. Just like the journey we're all on now, we've still got learning and growing left to do. Yes, today I'm a very different person than I was when I entered high school, when I left it, when I finished college, and when I moved home after graduating with my masters. But in essence I'm the same person tweaking myself for the better [I hope] to become the person I was meant to be, to contribute in the best possible way. To be 'The Machine" - purpose, passion, drive. To know that at the end of my life these milestones will be remembered but, more importantly, moments will be cherished. The end, the goal - is just the final point. It's not the rich story on how you got there. And that story, that journey makes the end all the more sweet.
In other news, I've been savoring my weekends away from the hospital more and more as the summer weather lazily drifted in. It's spent on a ridiculous [awesome] road trips back to Oklahoma, lounging on the back porch, laughing until my cheeks hurt with family, lazy afternoons with the dog, long serious conversations with friends, and plans for a very full summer. Oh, and Posy Palooza, the best jam making session I've ever had!
Side note: This evening our full family of six will be together, a rarity I cherish each time it occurs. I love my parents and brothers terribly and being with them in whatever capacity possible is savored. It's especially savored when it doesn't revolve around anything in particular. Because those are the best days - those are the moments that are cherished, not the milestones that are marked.
Oh, and...my exercise routine is renewed today. No excuses, I have the Y membership to prove it.
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