Keep up on my journey through life. These are my anecdotes, my ideas, my experiences. Things are always changing as they are chapters in our lives, transitions if you will. I love life and have a zest, an appetite, for getting as much out of it as I can. This is my invitation for you to feast with me.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Giving Thanks
Well, Thanksgiving is over. The day is finished and the food has been stuffed into my stomach as far as it would stretch. Successfully, and without complication, the turkey turned out perfectly, no one got hurt [save a slightly burnt pinkie finger from testing the gravy which we made do with pulverized oats, slightly lumpy but not tasting off from what it was intended to be].
This was the first Thanksgiving I'd been away from home and what made it somewhat difficult was knowing my brothers and parents were all together enjoying Mom's staple Thanksgiving items without me. I am sad to say I missed them all and Mom's fruit salad concoction and crust [although, I did make the pie filling well enough]. I'll work on that 'wife/mom' skill at a later date.
That being said, as my two companions and I said what we were thankful for I knew immediately what I wanted to thank God for giving me...or rather what he didn't give; I was thankful for not getting an internship immediately. Without that failure, I'd never have moved to Oklahoma. Then again, if you asked me in December of 2008 what my life would have been like I would have pictured a very different scene. It is safe to say, I am happy with how it is now, and not what I pictured.
In other news [par for the course if you actually read my blabber, there's always other news] I felt compelled to make my way to church today. Yes, I realize it is neither Saturday or Sunday.
There is something so magical about sitting in that big empty church and knowing nothing is going to interfere with my prayers, except for the setting sun streaming through stain glass windows. And oh, how I will miss the architecture of that church dearly.
So here's how all that went down today -
I got ready [which means I showered] to head to church with the intent of getting there with a half hour before the communion service at 5:30. I managed to stumble upon that during my time here in Oklahoma a little while back [that was another time that I just wanted to be alone with God when I found myself in a side chapel full of people waiting for the priest to arrive, but I digress]. I had grabbed my rosary and this day's mysteries to reflect upon the life of Jesus and headed out the door.
I made my way in the silent church. I stopped to light a candle for my future husband and say a quick prayers for my brothers and I often find myself doing and walked to the chapel where others were adoring Christ in his Eucharistic form. Now, I cannot say I fully and completely understand all the things that make the Catholic Church so...Catholic; even after attending parochial schools all my life I find that the Church is full of things I will not completely 'get' [e.g God is one in three persons: I don't quite grasp it...but I still believe]. Being that it is the oldest Christian denomination it has had a lot of time to become saturated with tradition. Now, I'm not here to argue on becoming a Catholic or living like a good Christian. I am neither perfect nor the appropriate person to persuade anyone on the matter. I am simply telling you that there is something comforting about knowing that people, old and young alike, can come together to sit and marvel at how awesome God is. And so, again, I digress.
Like with other times I've attempted to sit in silence with God I found myself sitting with a dozen other people who appeared to be waiting for something to start. Oh, there's an Adoration Shin-dig about to begin and I just happened to get here with the perfect amount of time!?! So much for that rosary just yet.
The priest entered and began. There managed to be an extra sheet of paper to follow along with and I found it to be idiot proof; everything was written out, as if God knew I was going to be a little lost when I sat down.
And can I just make an observation here? There's one thing I don't do well with when it comes to church stuff. Incense can really choke when you're trying to breathe in and sing out. Thankfully I had food in my stomach, otherwise I would have been nauseous. The trials and tribulations of a finicky stomach. Since my hair was still damp the smell of incense has lingered with the smell of grapefruit shampoo even to this time of the night. Oh well, it could smell like far worse things.
So, back to the story. Instead of sitting in silence after the Adoration ended I found myself moving to the other side chapel as the communion service began [thankfully, I knew how all this went down as I'd attended before]. So instead of saying my rosary and reflecting on the Sorrowful Mysteries of Jesus I ended up adoring and consuming him instead. In short, God is in me and I am His vessel: I am the work of His hands and my actions speak [in adoration] for the glory of His name.
This was the first Thanksgiving I'd been away from home and what made it somewhat difficult was knowing my brothers and parents were all together enjoying Mom's staple Thanksgiving items without me. I am sad to say I missed them all and Mom's fruit salad concoction and crust [although, I did make the pie filling well enough]. I'll work on that 'wife/mom' skill at a later date.
That being said, as my two companions and I said what we were thankful for I knew immediately what I wanted to thank God for giving me...or rather what he didn't give; I was thankful for not getting an internship immediately. Without that failure, I'd never have moved to Oklahoma. Then again, if you asked me in December of 2008 what my life would have been like I would have pictured a very different scene. It is safe to say, I am happy with how it is now, and not what I pictured.
In other news [par for the course if you actually read my blabber, there's always other news] I felt compelled to make my way to church today. Yes, I realize it is neither Saturday or Sunday.
There is something so magical about sitting in that big empty church and knowing nothing is going to interfere with my prayers, except for the setting sun streaming through stain glass windows. And oh, how I will miss the architecture of that church dearly.
So here's how all that went down today -
I got ready [which means I showered] to head to church with the intent of getting there with a half hour before the communion service at 5:30. I managed to stumble upon that during my time here in Oklahoma a little while back [that was another time that I just wanted to be alone with God when I found myself in a side chapel full of people waiting for the priest to arrive, but I digress]. I had grabbed my rosary and this day's mysteries to reflect upon the life of Jesus and headed out the door.
I made my way in the silent church. I stopped to light a candle for my future husband and say a quick prayers for my brothers and I often find myself doing and walked to the chapel where others were adoring Christ in his Eucharistic form. Now, I cannot say I fully and completely understand all the things that make the Catholic Church so...Catholic; even after attending parochial schools all my life I find that the Church is full of things I will not completely 'get' [e.g God is one in three persons: I don't quite grasp it...but I still believe]. Being that it is the oldest Christian denomination it has had a lot of time to become saturated with tradition. Now, I'm not here to argue on becoming a Catholic or living like a good Christian. I am neither perfect nor the appropriate person to persuade anyone on the matter. I am simply telling you that there is something comforting about knowing that people, old and young alike, can come together to sit and marvel at how awesome God is. And so, again, I digress.
Like with other times I've attempted to sit in silence with God I found myself sitting with a dozen other people who appeared to be waiting for something to start. Oh, there's an Adoration Shin-dig about to begin and I just happened to get here with the perfect amount of time!?! So much for that rosary just yet.
The priest entered and began. There managed to be an extra sheet of paper to follow along with and I found it to be idiot proof; everything was written out, as if God knew I was going to be a little lost when I sat down.
And can I just make an observation here? There's one thing I don't do well with when it comes to church stuff. Incense can really choke when you're trying to breathe in and sing out. Thankfully I had food in my stomach, otherwise I would have been nauseous. The trials and tribulations of a finicky stomach. Since my hair was still damp the smell of incense has lingered with the smell of grapefruit shampoo even to this time of the night. Oh well, it could smell like far worse things.
So, back to the story. Instead of sitting in silence after the Adoration ended I found myself moving to the other side chapel as the communion service began [thankfully, I knew how all this went down as I'd attended before]. So instead of saying my rosary and reflecting on the Sorrowful Mysteries of Jesus I ended up adoring and consuming him instead. In short, God is in me and I am His vessel: I am the work of His hands and my actions speak [in adoration] for the glory of His name.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Signs
I'm graduating in less than a month, I'll be home in a month. It's a lot of changes all at once. Can we just freeze all this for a little while so I can breathe?
In truth, I'm like so many other people out there. I'm asking God for signs. Not proof of His existence but rather a hint or clue to my next step on this path, this chapter in my life; a sign I'm heading in the right direction before I take the step [or more specifically, before a wrong turn].
Until then...Miss you.Love you.Bye.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Showers vs Tubs
I am a shower person. I have been for as long as I can remember. There is something about the way the water beats against the top of my back and shoulders that feels like a million massages. The hot water gently rolls down my shoulder and off the leg. It clears the mind, cleans the hair, and fills my lungs with the humidity they crave. Showers are wonderful.
I had never cared for baths....until I moved to Oklahoma and I realized baths=childhood.
I have my own bathroom here, no need to share. I'll stopper up the tub and let the shower fall down around me. I can watch the water pool in my stomach and drain as I breathe in and out. I can think and lay silently. I can just be, no time-lines, no deadlines, just me.
I can turn off all the lights and just lay in the hot water in darkness and lose all my sense and focus on what is going through my head, or focus on absolutely nothing. It is peaceful, and it reminds me of The Little Mermaid.
Strange analogy, I realize, but hear me out!
When Ariel first entered my life I was aware of two very distinct things.
1. She had the life and she was ruining it, no matter how cute Prince Eric is, she had it made
In other news, did I mention I went to Boston? Oh, yeah, I went to Boston and it was great, an adult extended field trip. You learn some things, you eat some food, you learn some things, you see the sights...mostly you eat the food. And if you're like me you learn about food, you eat food, you plan places where good food is, and then you think about food some more...it was all about the food.
I had never cared for baths....until I moved to Oklahoma and I realized baths=childhood.
I have my own bathroom here, no need to share. I'll stopper up the tub and let the shower fall down around me. I can watch the water pool in my stomach and drain as I breathe in and out. I can think and lay silently. I can just be, no time-lines, no deadlines, just me.
I can turn off all the lights and just lay in the hot water in darkness and lose all my sense and focus on what is going through my head, or focus on absolutely nothing. It is peaceful, and it reminds me of The Little Mermaid.
Strange analogy, I realize, but hear me out!
When Ariel first entered my life I was aware of two very distinct things.
1. She had the life and she was ruining it, no matter how cute Prince Eric is, she had it made
-which leads me to point two-
2. She was leaving her dad behind and she was only 16 and married, so not cool. Eric should have just become a merman and Ariel would have had the best life ever...except for the whole legs thing, but if she had a magical father, shouldn't she get legs or fins any time she liked...I mean honestly.
I digress. When I was young and full of wonder at the colors and music I would pretend I was a mermaid. I would put my legs through our diving rings during the summers at the pool and swim around as best I could under the water. I could feel the motion of the water rushing around me in a slow motion sort of sense, everything about it felt calm, relaxing. I could splash around as much as I wanted, drag bubbles down beneath the surface with me and feel as they worked their way from behind my back and gently float upward to the surface. I wanted to badly to be able to hold my breath so I could stay down longer: there was no noise, things were simple and blue, and I was gently rocked back and forth as people swam passed. This was magical, and my love affair with water has not ceased.
So there I am in the tub, the heat is surrounding me and I have the distinct pleasure of plunging my head under the water, feeling my hair gently wrap around me [and it always looks good wet, NEVER a bad hair day under water ;)] and listen to nothing, possibly the muddled sounds of water dripping or my arms swaying on occasion.
Let me break it down for you in the simplest possible way - bath time is like swimming as a child without a care. It is a pleasure and a stress reliever and it is severely under-appreciated by the general population. Since when was being clean just a necessity, savoring it is so much more rewarding...
I digress. When I was young and full of wonder at the colors and music I would pretend I was a mermaid. I would put my legs through our diving rings during the summers at the pool and swim around as best I could under the water. I could feel the motion of the water rushing around me in a slow motion sort of sense, everything about it felt calm, relaxing. I could splash around as much as I wanted, drag bubbles down beneath the surface with me and feel as they worked their way from behind my back and gently float upward to the surface. I wanted to badly to be able to hold my breath so I could stay down longer: there was no noise, things were simple and blue, and I was gently rocked back and forth as people swam passed. This was magical, and my love affair with water has not ceased.
So there I am in the tub, the heat is surrounding me and I have the distinct pleasure of plunging my head under the water, feeling my hair gently wrap around me [and it always looks good wet, NEVER a bad hair day under water ;)] and listen to nothing, possibly the muddled sounds of water dripping or my arms swaying on occasion.
Let me break it down for you in the simplest possible way - bath time is like swimming as a child without a care. It is a pleasure and a stress reliever and it is severely under-appreciated by the general population. Since when was being clean just a necessity, savoring it is so much more rewarding...
In other news, did I mention I went to Boston? Oh, yeah, I went to Boston and it was great, an adult extended field trip. You learn some things, you eat some food, you learn some things, you see the sights...mostly you eat the food. And if you're like me you learn about food, you eat food, you plan places where good food is, and then you think about food some more...it was all about the food.
Roots and Wings
It's been awhile...but it's all winding down. That seems a little crazy to me, didn't I just start? Wasn't I just crying in the parking lot at the hospital because I couldn't find my car on the first day [and of course assumed someone hot-wired it to sell it for parts on the black market]? No, apparently I survived mostly unscathed through this year.
It's less than a month now and I'm wondering how a person in my situation should feel. A sort of limbo land has appeared. It was so nice living in the bubble world that I lived in, I wasn't a real adult with a real job, I lived in a safe community, and sustained myself off of fake money that will at some point in the future be paid back. I spent all those years at home making roots and then learned of the benefit of flying - wings to take me on a journey, an adventure. I suppose I'm not quite satiated yet. Isn't there more to do and see here? I know there's more people to become friends with but the days keep slipping past.
Once the bubble is burst I'm not sure where I'll stand. I can't go home and act like my life hasn't drastically changed. It has! I have! But can I stay here and still be satisfied after all the fellow bubble dwellers head on their separate ways as well? I'm not allowing myself the chance and I don't know that it is feasible anyway. Jobs are not as easy to come by here and I have not had time to network my way around. Suddenly, a year master program seems like a very short thing. I guess the only thing to do in this situation is to pray and to pray swiftly.
In other news [as there always is] I was able to see Harry Potter today and it was awesome, just as I was hoping it would be. Also, I attended Club Rodeo. It's a club. It's a rodeo. I have never had dirt flung at me before someone asked me to dance. It is literal and it was fun [except for the smoke....as usual].
Until you read again...sylyb
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
The End of a Chapter
I have been rather mopey lately.
There is not definitive reason for me to get up. I've put flannel sheets on my bed but still there is a tinge of chill in the apartment; the last thing I want to do is get out of the warm sheets and be productive [that, and I want to see how long it takes before I really need to turn on the heat].
The clocks will fall back next week and then I'll be that much more apt to stay in bed just a little bit longer. Of course, what with the late mornings and evenings turning dark the days are flying by. Truth be told, I don't really know how I feel about it all. I'll be sad to leave but I don't really want to stay after a good portion of my friends move back to their prospective states.
My life has revolved around going to school to make something of myself since I was five. No, I did not have the same drive or purpose that I do now, but I always worked hard on my studies to get good grades, even if that meant procrastinating until Mom told me I could not leave the kitchen table until my math homework was finished [unfortunately, I have always been a bit of a procrastinator].
After graduating with my degree in undergrad the purpose of my life was still to finish up with schooling: to get the internship, to prove myself among other individuals, to do well. That time is nearly coming to an end. I have to finish up my classes and get hooded and I'll be done. Finished. Complete.
I don't feel ready for the real world though. I'm not old enough to have a job, not a real one. The only reason I managed through the jobs I've had since I turned 16 was to survive working them through the summer. I always had a light at the end of the tunnel, an ending, a break from paychecks and taxes. They were simple jobs and I was given just enough responsibility to earn the money I made [no matter how little that was].
In these times of a go-go-go world we work more to spend more, to make money so we can pay back the government for loans we took out, purchases we cannot afford, and things that don't actually make us happy; I sometimes wonder what it would all be like if we stopped chasing the dream of consumerism and started living as simplistically as possible. [Example: If we all just ate healthier and kept our weight within a healthy range there wouldn't be as many issues with heart failure. If we prevented these things from happening we'd be less likely to need solutions.] If we got out and did things with our hands we wouldn't need to pay people to do the work for us. We'd have more time if we realized that work is a means to sustain ourselves, not to get lost and keep away from family.
Just another excuse we put on ourselves to think we'll be happy.
Maybe this is me freaking out, maybe this is just a way for me to put all of my angst on the slippery slope we as Americans are taking with our need for things [that is just another reason I'm excited to do some deep cleaning/purging of 'stuff' when I get back home]. Or maybe, this is a wake up call for me to set my priorities straight before I put down roots [I'm still trying out my wings].
I'm not an adult yet, I've still got places to travel to, experiences to take part in, things to discover. I have plans to follow through with [plans I've yet to dream up] and there's no better time to do it than while I'm still young and mostly worry free. Now, if only I had the money to afford these excursions....You see, I just brought myself full circle on this one. I need a job to do things before I get a job that I want to stick with and put down roots and, well you get the idea.
There is not definitive reason for me to get up. I've put flannel sheets on my bed but still there is a tinge of chill in the apartment; the last thing I want to do is get out of the warm sheets and be productive [that, and I want to see how long it takes before I really need to turn on the heat].
The clocks will fall back next week and then I'll be that much more apt to stay in bed just a little bit longer. Of course, what with the late mornings and evenings turning dark the days are flying by. Truth be told, I don't really know how I feel about it all. I'll be sad to leave but I don't really want to stay after a good portion of my friends move back to their prospective states.
My life has revolved around going to school to make something of myself since I was five. No, I did not have the same drive or purpose that I do now, but I always worked hard on my studies to get good grades, even if that meant procrastinating until Mom told me I could not leave the kitchen table until my math homework was finished [unfortunately, I have always been a bit of a procrastinator].
After graduating with my degree in undergrad the purpose of my life was still to finish up with schooling: to get the internship, to prove myself among other individuals, to do well. That time is nearly coming to an end. I have to finish up my classes and get hooded and I'll be done. Finished. Complete.
I don't feel ready for the real world though. I'm not old enough to have a job, not a real one. The only reason I managed through the jobs I've had since I turned 16 was to survive working them through the summer. I always had a light at the end of the tunnel, an ending, a break from paychecks and taxes. They were simple jobs and I was given just enough responsibility to earn the money I made [no matter how little that was].
In these times of a go-go-go world we work more to spend more, to make money so we can pay back the government for loans we took out, purchases we cannot afford, and things that don't actually make us happy; I sometimes wonder what it would all be like if we stopped chasing the dream of consumerism and started living as simplistically as possible. [Example: If we all just ate healthier and kept our weight within a healthy range there wouldn't be as many issues with heart failure. If we prevented these things from happening we'd be less likely to need solutions.] If we got out and did things with our hands we wouldn't need to pay people to do the work for us. We'd have more time if we realized that work is a means to sustain ourselves, not to get lost and keep away from family.
Just another excuse we put on ourselves to think we'll be happy.
Maybe this is me freaking out, maybe this is just a way for me to put all of my angst on the slippery slope we as Americans are taking with our need for things [that is just another reason I'm excited to do some deep cleaning/purging of 'stuff' when I get back home]. Or maybe, this is a wake up call for me to set my priorities straight before I put down roots [I'm still trying out my wings].
I'm not an adult yet, I've still got places to travel to, experiences to take part in, things to discover. I have plans to follow through with [plans I've yet to dream up] and there's no better time to do it than while I'm still young and mostly worry free. Now, if only I had the money to afford these excursions....You see, I just brought myself full circle on this one. I need a job to do things before I get a job that I want to stick with and put down roots and, well you get the idea.
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