I am a content person, but even me, the Positive Patrice that I am can get disgruntled. We all have our moments of weakness. That being said, my life is good. So good in fact that I should erase this post and entitle it gratitude - list off all the things that I have the privilege of being honored to have and take part in. But I'll admit, that's not going to happen. Now I'm not on here to complain about my day. "OMG, Starbucks ran out of pumpkin spice and I had to take full fat milk. My thighs are gonna be huge." I'm here to complain about the current limbo status of my life - everyone goes through this, I just didn't think it would be limboing this long.
You've heard me gripe before about the struggles of my near end and post college year where all my plans were scattered and my life appeared to be crumbling from the pavement. Yes, at that stage in my life, it did. It was THE. WORST. THING. EVER. To happen to anyone, in the history of forever (please say you caught the melodrama). Funny how hind sight is 20/20 and suddenly there's enough time between you and the event to forget how painful it had been to go through. We never stop having growing pains. It wasn't that these happened to me - its that they happened all....at....once. Kick me while I'm down please. But I did get through it on top and have some wonderful life lessons in my back pocket for later use.
No, now I talking about my current state - the obvious horrendous endeavors of a twenty something. These are exciting times that I know for a fact I will look back on with smiles - again grateful for the lessons learned and grateful to never go through them again.
I've declared September 2013 Hell Month, I've also labelled it Get Shit Done month. Because if the month is going to be awful, you might as well use that frustration for something worth while/productive (you know, after I'm done griping blog style).
Long story short - work is entirely too busy and we've had additional projects put on my plate. And with a coworker being gone 3 of the 4 weeks you can imagine how über excited I am to see September go away. Not to say this month is to be forgotten (I did do my first triathlon without any major snafus, which was entirely too much fun). What I'm saying is, I won't be sad to see September go.
What with all these frustrations and my need to look past them to keep my sanity during the day, my mind has resorted to sending me very evident messages of my utter lack of self direction in the form of nightmares. As in - stuck in the open ocean surrounded by sharks and unable to swim, watching your town crumble and flood with no help of salvaging it, or resorting to living underground where bombs above can't hurt you. Yeah, maybe that's the plan. I'll call for a life hiatus - go underground for awhile - live the life of a recluse until I can safely say I've dealt with my concerns the healthy adult way (if that's what we're calling me these days) and moving on.
It's just a matter of all the what ifs in this limbo I'm living. But is that my new normal? Uncertain of the future in any aspect of my life. "When nothing is certain, everything is possible" and TERRIFYING I might add. Remember, I'm content. I need a good shove in the right direction to see that being in my safety zone is actually getting me nowhere.
So on that fine note, I've purchased a personal trainer kit, been (kind of) on the lookout for new jobs and have informed myself that living life happens each day. And making the most of it means I'll be working towards something great but also living the content life.
So if all this life frustration is good for something it's a fire under my behind. Because a woman on a mission - this woman (the one my mother calls a bulldog) can move some mountains (or at least a sizable mole hill).
What's that sound you say? Hang on, let me change into my cut off shirt and sweat shorts. That my friend, is the sound of Eye of the Tiger playing in the background. Getting me pumped to get shit done.
As always, SYLYB
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