Chicago Half

Hannah and I had a conversation about dating over the weekend. Funny how we never run out of things to talk about after all these years. Anyway, on to the point of this post.

What is the deal with the stigma surrounding 'dating around.' I don't mean hooking up, I literally mean dating around. I mean getting to know members of the opposite sex. I mean taking a test drive on compatibility, outside of the distractions of other people, where harmless flirting is encouraged and witty conversation abounds. Without knowing all sorts of different people, you wind up choosing someone you click with well enough. But I don't just want someone I tolerate well enough. And maybe that's the romantic in me. Maybe I like the idea of knowing all different types of people so I know what's truly the best match for me. I don't want to be that divorce statistic. And I deserve to take my time.

Finding a mate is on my to-do list, but not just yet. Times have changed and what was once conventional timing to meet and marry is now far too young. I didn't end up with my high school or college boyfriend. But I'm also not the same person I was in high school or college. It's really impressive to see people last when those years are such huge ones in finding yourself. I congratulate them, but I'm not one of them. I'll likely not make it to 60+ years like my grandparents because I didn't get married at 20. I have so many adventures to have as "just Mara" before settling in the suburbs with my mortgage and mom-van [although, I could do without the mom-van entirely].

Looking especially B.A with Nicholas & Nathan

Dear future husband, I'm really excited to meet you, but right now my life is very out of order. Let me tie up a few loose ends first...and get the hell out of Springfield.

In other news:

Had a great time watching/supporting Hannah for her half marathon in Chicago. Got too spend some times with my older brothers and made a few new friends. All in all it was such a good weekend I slept for 11 hours after I got home. And we KNOW I need my sleep.

Ate so many kcals this weekend I haven't been hungry all day and I exercised already [my mitochondria were wondering what was going on without much movement over the weekend. Is that too nerdy to say?].

My new Chicago family

Things I've Learned About Myself

It takes a long time to develop who you are as a person [it is, after all, an always evolving process]. Sometimes it is an even longer time to be able to look at yourself and see yourself from an objective eye. It takes moments of hardship, times of great change, and difficult decisions to see the stuff that you're made of.

Was it "The Girl Next Door" that said, is the juice worth the squeeze? Well, you do need to know what you're working with, what you've got to offer, to know where you need to improve and how you can make yourself better on this life journey.

There are things that I can honestly say I would never have guessed about myself if the problems that arose on my life journey did not present themselves. Yes I would be a little less worn, but as the saying goes, easy seas do no make a tough sailor....or something along those lines.

1. I am strong & independent. Yes, I do rely heavily on my family but I know that if I had to move to say, Oklahoma, for a year I could without a doubt not only survive but flourish. Oh, wait! I've already done that.

2A. It takes me a long time to fall in love/trust/accept someone without reservation. I can't say that it's the past relationships that I've been involved in...I can't actually pinpoint it. What I do know is that when you're in, you're a lifer, when I'm only lukewarm, it might just stay that way.
2B. Do not cross the people I consider to be essential to me [my lifers], because although I love only a few without reservation, I love them with a passion you cannot match. It's very much a, "Don't tell me a momma joke," because you will go down. 

3. I truly believe time heals most wounds. People die and their places they've kept in your heart can't be filled by some other hobby or person, they're not supposed to be; individuals are unique and the role they play in your life is as such. That being said, everyone can move on. You have the courage, the gumption, and the willpower to say, "Yes, that hurt, but it can only keep me down for so long."

4. Sadness really does make happiness all the more worthwhile. I've had some low moments in my life, but if I hadn't dedicated time to allowing myself to be sad/dejected/hurt/betrayed I would not have come out stronger, I would not have found a more fulfilling happiness.

5. I am not, nor will I ever be a control freak. I don't want control. Why do you think I pray so hard to God for guidance? He's got the paperwork in order, He already paid for the warranty on my soul, on His plan for me. Why go jumbling the plans? Hindsight is 20/20 I guess and I don't have the best vision.

6. I do everything on my own time, at my own pace, in my own way. And if you push it too hard when I'm not ready I will resist that much more. This counts from the very trivial to my very essence. eg. I hated turtlenecks [much to my mother's chagrin] until I didn't, and I didn't wear turtlenecks until the minute I started liking them.

7. It doesn't matter how often I have to get up early in the morning I will NEVER be a morning person and I will not resort to caffeine. We don't need to see my hyper. Even tempered Mara is so much better [and energetic enough].

8. I am much better with the written word than face to face, even more eloquent. I think the gift of gab went to my fingers twice when I kissed the Blarney stone.

9.  I march to my own drum [for sure] and I am un-apologetically myself. My mother calls me a free spirit, sounds pretty good to me. I play like a 5 year old, look like a 17 year old, and bake like an 85 year old. I wear aprons when I cook, avoid combing my hair, and live with my head in the clouds.

10. I love sweating a lot when I exercise. It feels like I've accomplished that much more and helps me to really earn the shower. Using these muscles, maintaining this body so it can keep me running. Don't want to abuse my only vehicle in life.

Whoah Baby

Celebrating Father's Day with Dad Bro No1&3 and nephew

For shame!

I got on and realized it has been absolute AGES since I posted anything.

You know the monotony of work, and I guess sometimes it's easier to NOT post about something boring than to try and find the value of yet another beautiful day and discuss it here.

So the low down on what I've been doing these past several months, and I don't think they're going to be in any particular order:

Went to/was in Britt's wedding in the DC area, very lovely weekend and I was so happy to get to spend some quality time with her. It's always hard to arrange time to talk and near impossible to visit so this was just a fantastic Memorial Day weekend wedding celebration. Congratulations Brittany and Rob :)

Obsessively watching Olympic Trials because I love all things Olympics and America, duh [I'm pretty sure I've mentioned how much I love Independence Day]! I won't pretend, swimming is my favorite thing to watch, probably because I really enjoy swimming....it's all we'll have on the TV for those weeks in July/August.

Went to the shooting range with Dad and Nathan and shot an actual gun [not an air rifle, not a bb gun, a real life GUN]...had one of those girly moments where I was so proud of myself having shot with so much power in my hands that I swung around and smiled at Nathan. The gun was facing down, but it was hot. Thank goodness I didn't shoot my someone's foot! What a ditz! I did get a bulls-eye with my first magazine as well. Pretty pleased!

Continuing my quest for a healthy physique and decreased body fat percentage. I've started to really notice the difference in my arms and calf muscles, if I keep it up I may be too hot to handle [HA!] when we go to Florida for vacation.

Still doing my Spanish/Rosetta Stone, gotta say it's hard to balance with everything else. If I'm going to have a life, help fix dinner, and exercise Spanish can sometimes take the back burner....slowly working on it. Spain is still the ultimate goal.

Had a wicked storm this weekend and our neighbor's tree fell, among several other branches and power outages. Thank you Jesus we didn't have any issues. Crazy wind!!!

Hopefully going to get switched over to full time at the hospital, although I will admit, the longer they put it off the more irritated with them I get. I've been there 16 months working full time without benefits, isn't that reason enough to hire me on? I'm sorry, but sometimes all I can think is "B*** S***" I'm being used as cheap labor because they can and I haven't left yet.

So figuring out my next life step is not coming so easy. I've been pretty comfortable in my own happy little safe zone, but I know if I want to grow more as a person I'm going to have to really step it up and do something, just jump out of the comfort zone and dive in. I had read a quote somewhere that said "When nothing is sure, everything is possible" and I've decided I really like that positive spin on things. Just got to get the gumption to be like Nike and just do it.

Have been loving the hot hot hot temperatures, probably makes me sound crazy but whatever, I'm pretty sure I was made to love in warmer conditions. Get cold far too easily to like the winter weather months, although snuggling up with blankets and sweatshirts is nice I'd much rather live in a bathing suit or sun dress.

In other news? No, that's just going to be it.

Hope you all have a good one. Celebrate July 4th right with family, friends, good food and lots of pyrotechnics!