Some Assembly Required

If I want to be a better person I have to do something about it.

 I recently returned form a trip to Cancun and had a very low moment of self loathing. I was back to real life, the job that I happily left behind for a week, the weather I did not miss, and the feeling that was always in the back of my mind - dissatisfaction. I had determined that my life was becoming stagnant and I was letting it.

I guess I've been dissatisfied in my impatience. Because, let's be honest, If I were being patient in the plan the Lord has for me I would not be distressed about where I am heading or how quickly I'll get there.

So in those low moments I made a mental list of all the things I wasn't happy about in my life and put the blame wherever else I could. It was a sad "woe is me" sort of story, one that might require any readers [cough, cricket cricket] to play the world's smallest violin for me. I guess next time I show up to my own pity party I'll just have to bring a better attitude to wake myself up to life. I have been lavishly blessed, and I hadn't spent enough time to say thank you.

Now, this is not to say that I have to sit back and make the best of what I've got going on. Far from it. It's like acknowledging my numerous blessings and gifts but only looking at them. Hello Mara, there is some assembly required. I guess now that I see them, now that I wallowed in my pity for a longer-than-necessary moment I've got to get the ball rolling, or if I'm keeping with the metaphor, put the pieces together and watch my work zoom around the room to show my gratitude for having all the pieces.

Yeah, that's it...I've just got to put some oomph into my life, get over myself and make the best of it. If I really want a change I have to make it happen and it's not going to bite me on the behind [even though that would be way more convenient, but if you know me well enough you know I'd always much prefer the words outright, subtlety is NOT my forte].

Funny enough, on a sort of related note, I also found an unusual bug bite from my return to the States...that happened to be on. my. behind. And...I just brought this topic from figurative to literal.....moving on, ha.

 So yes, the trip was lovely. Maybe I needed being away to get me back to the place that directs me where I want to be. And although I'm not satisfied now with where I am versus where want to be, that doesn't mean I won't be working toward it.

So while it's a little early for New Year's Resolutions, I have come up with a list of things that will help me on my journey and make me be a better Mara. Now, like all resolutions and best laid plans they are merely words until I finish them, so DO NOT HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE if I haven't finished them perfectly or exactly on time, I am after all a work in progress.

Okay, I'm done with the rant, here's the list:

10 Goals for 2012:

1. Pay off government loans from school by 06/30/13, but preferably 12/31/2012
2. Organize and declutter the whole house
3. Make a smock/apron
4. Set up a garden/herbs & compost
5. Date...ugh
6. Get fit and feel healthy which should tie in nicely with #7
     -As always, drink more water
     -Workout routine with staying power to get my Body Fat % down by 6%
     -Purge the junk food and bring on the 8-10 servings of fruits and vegetables
7. Make my appearance match how I feel i.e put forth some effort
8. Plan a trip [preferably including Jessica as my travel partner]
9. Be more satisfied with work/job
10. Learn Espanol, because I've got the means.

I think the real task here is going to be managing my time and money properly, because if I can do that I'll be set. Trust me, I know how to waste time with the best of them. You always make times for the things that you feel are a priority, it's just deciding that these things are worth my time.

I'm not really a fan of New Year's; it's kind of a sad sort of night. You are literally leaving everything behind, but I'm hoping if I'm on the up and up it won't much matter that I almost closed the year on a sour note. Why should I end on a sour note, I'm young and I've got things ahead of me? Besides, it's the mentality on what you make of it...and I'm giving myself a swift kick in the pants and changing my mentality. I've got no reason not to enter this holiday season with the highest of spirits.

In other news, Jessica, thank you for inviting me on a much needed trip. It was exactly what the dietitian ordered [mylyb]

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~ Lao Tzu