Anxiety

I woke up this morning at ten after five with an overwhelming sense of anxiety. Today is December 23rd and I will be moving in eleven days to OKC. For some reason I felt I had more time here at home, just as I'd felt I had more time these past eight months. There were plans to get a million things done. Of course, I always come up with so many plans and do not accomplish more than half of them.

Thoughts ran through my head so quickly I was unsure when I actually fell back to sleep. This is one of the last days I'll be in this bed with no worry of waking up to go to a rotation site or study for a class. I have a list of things I need to do before I move, will I have the time? I haven't even gotten a loan in order because I'm waiting on the Financial Aid to process a paper I sent them. Is this really the direction I want to go in my life? Needless to say, I was letting the scariness of it all take over the fact that no matter what will happen I know the Big Guy's got my back.

That is easier said than done though, I like to have things all mapped out when it comes to the important stuff in my life. Since graduation, however, I have learned that nothing ever goes as planned. The plans we set out for ourselves do not have to match up with those that are planned for us. We must learn to cope with that in one way or another. There is no use in fighting what is meant to be; to be an easier and more enjoyable journey it does take faith and trust.

Stress and worry filled my next four hours of sleep with unpleasant tossing and turning. I didn't even try to get up and go swimming. Who can blame me? Getting up at 6:30 to walk out to my frigid car in 15 degree weather is never exciting. The pool would have done me good though, physically burn off some of that nervousness.

It isn't that I dislike change so much, I think I adjust well to it but it is just that first step. If you know me well enough you know one of my motto's is "Nothing to it but to do it." I say that mostly because I need to hear it more often than give it out as advice; once you get started things fall into place as a routine develops. I'm just waiting for that first worst part, the newness of it all to start.

"Worry is a misuse of the imagination." And I have a big imagination. I also fancy myself not much of a worrier. If only that were more fact than fiction.

Christmas Season

It's not easy preparing for a major move near the holiday season.

I'm the kind of person that gets super excited about doing projects. I'm also the kind of person that has to do them when they're fresh in my mind or they fall fast. I've gotten a lot of things accomplished that way, a take charge attitude that fizzles fast enough to "relax mode." I suppose that's my personality though. I want to make these new cookies NOW! And I'm going to make three different kinds and double the recipe so we can send them out to loved ones. Oh, and I want to make that party mix and decorate the house, and the tree, and put up the nativity scene.

Unfortunately this year, as I stated earlier, I'm also going to be moving shortly after the new year which puts a damper on the holiday season. In preparation for the move I've been checking out decorating books from the library, getting ideas and coming up with game plans. Those ideas and game plans turn into more projects I want to get done. As my mother so lovingly put it today, her when are you going to do this question stopped me in my tracks. I don't know, I don't have the time. It's approaching quicker than I expected!

I've been working through all the boring logistics since the trip back home, getting my things in order and working on a loan. That's the big problem with growing up, responsibility is a real downer. It's even harder when you still feel like a five year old. Baby steps....baby steps.

In the meantime, beyond the boring stuff, I've been working to visit as many friends as I can before I leave for the year. I've included a picture of a friend of mine that I saw this week [as you can see at the top of this blog].

If I don't post before then, for those of you who read this, I hope you have a most Merry Christmas and a splendid start of 2010!

More to come... as usual.

Where the Wind...

Oklahoma, where the wind come sweeping down the plains...and something about the waving wheat blows soft and sweet.

Unfortunately, it is December and most places in all their glory must be seen during the spring or summer. Being that everything is dead the landscape is not only flat but entirely too brown, reddish brown [from all the clay in the soil]. I have noticed however than unlike many places, NYC or Chicago, the Oklahoma City metropolitan area has no reason not to spread out; there is plenty of land to be plotted and little need for skyscrapers. Instead the sky looks wide because not a thing blocks the view. Also, the above song is unfortunately just as true now as it was back in the 50's when the musical came out. The wind comes sweeping, or whipping [however you'd like to put it]. Nothing to stand in the way, no hills to slow it and no trees to break it, alright, so a few.

So everything is in order [not without a few bumps along the way of course], my classes are scheduled, my UCO ID made, my apartment has been signed for, and my banking account has been opened. I even found a good church to attend while I am here. All that is left is to get a few other details in order and wait until orientation day to begin this busy journey in the year 2010.

Until then, logistics are taken care of and again it is just a waiting game. Unfortunately for this post I took no pictures. As I have not seen anything remarkably beautiful yet [thanks to the hand of death from the winter months] I will put up pictures when there is something nice to be looked at, like green grass or blue skies.

And for my beloved family and close friends reading this: SYLYB

Just Visiting

I guess I'm ready as I'll ever be. Step 1 in the move to OKC to begin early tomorrow morning, like 4 a.m early. Going down for a few days to get all the little things taken care of to make this as smooth a transition as possible. Step 2 will begin soon enough with a truck and my beloved parents to help me unpack and wish me well.

Got all my things packed up for the trip, got the addresses of places I need to visit and things I need to accomplish... I cannot believe I'm moving to Oklahoma!

Deep breath in, I'm on my way.

More later when I get back, hopefully with some good pictures too!

Moving On

SUCCESS::

Today I accomplished two very vital things in my preparation toward OKC

1. I sent in my FAFSA
2. I got blood drawn [for the immunization records - required for health care workers] without getting light headed.

Yeah, I guess that's how it has been since I graduated, little things become big accomplishments. I've gotten myself very accustomed to just being me. In fact, I have perfected the art of simply being and basking in all of God's glory. One day during the summer I stared up at a tree for an hour. I had no wild thoughts racing through my head, no tasks that I had to rush to complete. I think people get so caught up in what has to get done that we fail to notice all the precious time we waste by being numb to the qualities of simply living, simply being.

Of course, my time of relaxation and savoring will be coming to a close after the Christmas holiday has ended. The New Year will be here and this time, as opposed to most other times, I will welcome it with open arms because I know that 2010 will be a year of new adventures and fresh starts, no matter how scary and life altering.

I'm moving on, I'm packing up my things once again and driving somewhere I've never been. I'm starting fresh, meeting new people, learning new things. My time [for now at least] to be here at home with my beloved family is coming to a close. This adventure is going to be all mine, an adventure of more growth. While I do not always welcome change because I savor present things and grow comfortable in the world I surround myself with I know remaining here longer is not serving the greater plan that awaits me. To be stagnant is never an option, we must always learn and grow and change. I'm pretty sure I should say that to myself in the mirror more often than I think it.

So I guess it is time to put on a brave face and be a big girl...or fake it 'til I make it. What am I kidding, I'll never grow up, I'll just age.

Beginning

Hello all-

I had every intention of creating a video blog aka vlog on youtube to post all the happenings of my life while in Oklahoma City, but alas, I have yet to choose a camcorder I like, one with a reasonable price for a budget I do not have.

I'm hoping to get something on here once a week once I get in the swing of things, however I am not making promises. I always seem to start out things so well only to find them crashing and burning. That would explain why when I want to do things I want to complete them then and there; something I am sure my mother finds completely aggravating.

Anyway, as most of you know [and why wouldn't you if you are reading this] I am heading to Oklahoma for my internship/masters during 2010. It was one of my higher choices [out of the 8 locations I applied for with the America Dietetic Association] being that it was inexpensive, a masters in a year, and a completely different adventure than any I'd undergone on my own.

At the moment I am researching apartments, getting my FAFSA and graduate loans in order, buying everything I didn't need to get while living in dorms all four years at college, and freaking out over the mass amount of stuff I will be doing without a single family member in a 14 hour radius, and praying that I'll be heading in the right direction with my life.

As of December 5th, Dad and I will be heading to OKC to get things started and return on December 8th [hopefully with everything on my list done].

My orientation is on January 8th and my first day of rotations starts on January 11th. [FREAK OUT the night before]. Since my lovely family will be out of town for some time during the month of January I will begin this adventure very scared and very alone. In the meantime I keep telling myself this is an awfully big adventure, one that I will be proud to have taken come January of 2011. Where I'll be then, no ones knows. One step at a time is all I can think to keep myself calm.

More later...